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Vulnerable Only For You

Window panes wet with the rain
Is it you, my breeze?
My life's most loved refrain...
I am still the vulnerable me you once knew
Vulnerable at my weakest points, only for you.


Open are my doors, wide open the windows
The rain lashing hard at my face
Strong breeze, blow me away from myself
You are the rhythm of my life's pace
Do you remember the vulnerable me you once knew?
Vulnerable still, at my weakest points, only for you.


Left my home behind to fly out with you
Drenched in your rain, to dwell within you
Strong wind, you have weakened my inner depths
For long, my heart, has inside me wept...
Do you still love the vulnerable me you once knew?
Vulnerable always, at my weakest points, only for you.

Views: 30

Replies to This Discussion

Thank you so much David. Keep reading and putting in your thoughts, I will post more.

David McDonald said:
very rythmic and open, loved the exposure and willingness, almost desire, to be found and remembered. Thank you
Very subtle with words, yet convincing in weakness. To me, it's a struggle of your will and giving in. We are all vulnerable, but truely, how vunerable can one get, and ultimately, become strong because of it, as a breeze.  Good, I like it.  S.
Thanks a lot...I love it where you said "it's a struggle of your will and giving in"...that's exactly what was racing through my mind when I was writing this! Do keep reading :)

Shira Loustaunau said:
Very subtle with words, yet convincing in weakness. To me, it's a struggle of your will and giving in. We are all vulnerable, but truely, how vunerable can one get, and ultimately, become strong because of it, as a breeze.  Good, I like it.  S.

Pritha, WOW!!! It's nice to read something so powerful!!! Wow. I didn't care for the italicized lettering but the poem was strong and powerful. I would eliminate the puctuation and use line separation. It doesn't matter if the form is different. I know you're trying for six line sentencing but sometimes it's okay to play with the line structure.

First sentence I'd put rattling windows on it's own line (very powerful)

Second sentence, I'd take out the word (the)

  The fifth sentence down is extremely strong...I don't know if I love the next sentence down (at my weakest point)

Last segment, first line I'd take out the word (out)

And I also noticed (at my weakest point) is in all of the last sentences, so to take them out might hurt the poem.

Again WOW...I'd revise and sent it out to the publishers...Hope to hear more from you. 

 

 

 

Thank you so very much Robert! It feels really great to have readers and critics like u! I love ur suggestions too!

By the way, you said u are going to send it out to the publishers...does that mean u have contacts with them, or u are an agent between writers and publishers? Wow, then, that's going to be super cool! Getting publishes and being read worldwide has been my dream and aim all through! 

 

I will post some more poems, do read and add in your comments!

Robert L. Allen said:

Pritha, WOW!!! It's nice to read something so powerful!!! Wow. I didn't care for the italicized lettering but the poem was strong and powerful. I would eliminate the puctuation and use line separation. It doesn't matter if the form is different. I know you're trying for six line sentencing but sometimes it's okay to play with the line structure.

First sentence I'd put rattling windows on it's own line (very powerful)

Second sentence, I'd take out the word (the)

  The fifth sentence down is extremely strong...I don't know if I love the next sentence down (at my weakest point)

Last segment, first line I'd take out the word (out)

And I also noticed (at my weakest point) is in all of the last sentences, so to take them out might hurt the poem.

Again WOW...I'd revise and sent it out to the publishers...Hope to hear more from you. 

 

 

 

No, I'm not an agent nor a publisher, however I do send my work out. I have 28 poems published. I would suggest to pick up a Poet's Market and find what works for you. I do believe your work needs to be read and share. :)

Pritha Chattopadhyay said:

Thank you so very much Robert! It feels really great to have readers and critics like u! I love ur suggestions too!

By the way, you said u are going to send it out to the publishers...does that mean u have contacts with them, or u are an agent between writers and publishers? Wow, then, that's going to be super cool! Getting publishes and being read worldwide has been my dream and aim all through! 

 

I will post some more poems, do read and add in your comments!

Robert L. Allen said:

Pritha, WOW!!! It's nice to read something so powerful!!! Wow. I didn't care for the italicized lettering but the poem was strong and powerful. I would eliminate the puctuation and use line separation. It doesn't matter if the form is different. I know you're trying for six line sentencing but sometimes it's okay to play with the line structure.

First sentence I'd put rattling windows on it's own line (very powerful)

Second sentence, I'd take out the word (the)

  The fifth sentence down is extremely strong...I don't know if I love the next sentence down (at my weakest point)

Last segment, first line I'd take out the word (out)

And I also noticed (at my weakest point) is in all of the last sentences, so to take them out might hurt the poem.

Again WOW...I'd revise and sent it out to the publishers...Hope to hear more from you. 

 

 

 

Pritha, try duotrope's digest. You can search the database of poetry and fiction publications there if you're looking for places to submit them. 

 

http://www.duotrope.com/

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