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Part One Renegade

Budapest, Hungary November 1956

 

The terrified scream of her mother in the adjoining room brought twelve-year-old Aniko Sedvec bolt upright in bed.  A moment ago she was deep in sleep.  She shivered in the frigid air that filtered into her bedroom from the winter night outside; as fear trickled down her spine like cold fingers sliding down her back. 

She watched the wavering shadows moving in the light seeping under the crack in the door to the kitchen.  She heard a muffled struggle taking place next door in her parents’ bedroom. 

“Mama?”  The terror constricting her throat made her soft query more a whimper than a question. 

From the bed in the opposite corner of the room, Grandma Irmoulka whispered:   “Mischka, shhh!  Be still.” 

Her bedroom door burst open and crashed back against the wall.  The doorjamb ripped from its frame and clattered to the floor.  Aniko almost wet herself as her body started shaking with tremors seeing the uniformed shadow standing in the doorway. 

The features of the man in the door were indiscernible, his black shape outlined by the sweeping flashlights in the kitchen behind it.  But anyone in Budapest would have recognized the uniform worn by a man belonging to the AVO, the Hungarian Secret Police. 

In one hand he held a flashlight shining it into her eyes.  In the other was a pistol pointed directly at her. . .  

 

Part One takes place during the Hungarian Revolution in 1956.  Part Two deals with Afghanistan today connecting the two incidents.

Renegades is one of two novellas I have avalable on Amazon's Kindle.

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Replies to This Discussion

That's certainly a gripping scene

You have a mix of good and not so good things in here.

Also the 'working' of a good setting.

What 'baby'(word or words) will you throw out?

What 'baby'(word or words) will you keep?

I notice it is already on kindle. in that case : 'fait accompli.' Did you self edit your story?

I hope this comment reaches you. Two others I made on work tended to 'disappear,' only God knows where.

Best wishes and good luck
This one is here, Cleveland
Every writer knows that self editing is an important part of writing a story.  So yes, I did a lot of self editing, so did the critique group that contributed their comments and suggestions while I was writing it, and the writer's group I read the story to before it was published.  Thank you Cleveland and Anna for your comments.

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