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As I pass the mid-point of my comedy novel about retail I am working on a style very new to me. One, I have never written comedy before, but the ideas are flowing and my critic(s) tells me it sounds good. However, I am writing in a style that is almost narrative.

Example:

I woke up the next morning with an aching headache and immediately wished I hadn't gone out partying the night before. I couldn't think straight let alone stand up on my own two feet. As I stumbled toward the bathroom my wife called out to me from downstairs and her words pounded in my skull as though someone was beating me over the head with a hammer.

Normally my style would be more like:

When Derek woke up the next morning he slowly rose to a sitting position and held his head in his hands. He had a terrible headache and knew then and there he shouldn't have gone out partying the night before. As he stumbled out of bed he struggled on his feet, slowly making his way to the bathroom. When his wife called out to him from downstairs her words pounded in his skull as though someone was beating him over the head with a hammer.

I'm open to suggestions. The novels I researched wrote in the above narrative style and it seemed to work. I'm still not sold on the idea. What do you think?

David

www.DavidLuceroSandman.com

Views: 26

Comment by Kay Elizabeth on May 1, 2010 at 1:09am
I prefer the second version, David. I don't particularly like first person narratives generally which makes me a little biased I guess. I would say go with your gut. If you're not sold on the idea, why continue in that vein just because others have? For every genre, there are books that break the mold. Might as well be yours. :)
Comment by Hui Zhen Ni on May 3, 2010 at 7:58am
I like the first version. It is fast. It's like a conversation in my head. First person narratives makes me think I am the one describing my own experience. I'm looking forward to write like you do.

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