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Nina

She was alone. Everybody was laughing, and talking and playing, but she was alone.
“Guys,” Jen told her friends. “I’ll meet you afterwards.”
She took a step into her table. Unwillingly, the lonely girl looked at Jen. She smiled but the girl did not smile back. She lowered her head and continued eating. Jen pulled a chair and sat down. Again, unwillingly, the girl looked at Jen.
“Hi!” said Jen.
The girl took no notice and continued eating.
“I’m Jen,” commented a puzzled Jen.
The girl continued eating.
“So, how are you doing?” asked Jen thrilled.
The girl raised her head.
“Why are you talking to me?” she asked.
“Well, isn’t that what people do? Talk to each others?” said Jen sarcastically.
“I meant, why are YOU talking to ME?” asked the girl in a tone that made Jen shiver.
“I was just trying to start a conversation,” said Jen as if apologizing.
“Why?” asked the girl.
“Well, you were here all alone…” started Jen.
“So, you though I needed company?” interrupted the girl.
“Yes, I thought you could use a little company,” finished Jen.
“What a nice gesture!” replied the girl sarcastically.
“Obviously, I thought wrong!” realized Jen.
“Indeed you did” said the girl triumphantly.
Jen sighed.
“Why are you acting like a b****?” she asked.
“Girl, hasn’t your mother ever told you not to talk to strangers?” said the girl somewhat angry.
“We are hardly strangers Nina,” said Jen in a soft voice it could have been a whisper. “We take the same classes.”
“What’s my last name?” asked Nina
An awkward silent fell upon both of them; ironically, the noise at the cafeteria was extremely loud. Jen felt speechless. She had been with Nina for more than 2 years. She saw her everyday at school and in the occasional trips…but she did not know her last name.
“Yeah, that’s what I thought,” said Nina with a short-satisfactory smile.
“Nina, I’m sorry,” Jen apologized.
“Don’t be. I think it’s clearly understood that we ARE strangers,” said Nina.
Her tone sounded a little high-pitched and for a moment, it seemed that a tear might fall upon her left cheek. She stood up and walked away, but suddenly turned back.
“Your last name’s Coleman. You were president of our grade last year. You got your braces off in 7th grade. You have one brother. You wear something pink every Thursday. You hate Chemistry class. And your boyfriend recently dumped you.
“It’s Burke by the way. Nina Burke.”
And she left.

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Comment by Viviana Arteaga on November 21, 2009 at 5:30am: That was really good! I likey very much!!

Comment by scribbler on November 21, 2009 at 6:51am: Thanks for sharing that, Rowen. :) Is this part of a book you're writing or a standalone piece? I like Nina already.

You haven't said if you want suggestions on this or not. Is it just up for us to enjoy reading?

Comment by Ale Mahogany on November 21, 2009 at 4:21pm: Viviana: Thank you for taking the time to read it! =D

Scribbler: Thank you as well. It's not a book; it's one of two short stories i wrote, about how strangers can help us become better persons.
Suggestions are always welcome!
And I do hope you enjoy reading my stuff.

Comment by Kay Elizabeth on November 23, 2009 at 2:21am: Rowen I enjoyed your story as well. There is one thing I would suggest. All the dialog tags are distracting to me. (I'm referring to where you say commented, asked, started, interrupted, finished, replied, etc etc rather than just "said").

Think about reducing them. You don't need to have quite so many variations to try and steer away from using "said" constantly. I have done the very same thing myself before and racked my brains trying to come up with something else to use other than "said". Then I found out that's unnecessary and can detract from the thrust of the piece. Have a read of this and you'll see what I'm talking about.

Tagging Dialogue - It's a Matter of He Said, She Said."

I think you'll find it would enhance your story to cut them in half.

Comment by Ale Mahogany on November 23, 2009 at 3:34pm: Thank you Kay!
I read the article and, for some reason, i found it amusing, yet helpful enough.
=/
But i thought just typing "say/said" all along was boring to the reader.
I, as a reader, don't mind the use of "odd" dialogue tags.
In fact, i had never been distracted by such.
But then again, i'm open to new ideas!
=D