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                           My Landlady gleamed with pride!


Clear and boastful from her wheel chair “there are no drugs here”

I just love this place it’s disillusioned like me! I drank coffee from 6-1 inhaled more than a fair amount of the dreaded weed in the Sufi tradition and only want more there is a reason for my late night snacks we don’t eat until after my dear Family member takes care of business! Suggested music Jimmy Cliff a real inspiration! When my esteemed Family member speaks I usually pay him no mind listening to music he recites and can’t sing very well he will describe the Artists lives and the history of the music. I just listen!

To the deadness of poverties bad moral!

Currently the owners are criminally rich and have prison records. For maintenance they often hire residence. Or bring in a contractor. The employees are all meth and pot heads. They start late and exhaust themselves in dangerous labor all f***** up until the late evening. One came over after his long day to take a shower. He talked incessantly and did not listen. These workers have a reason for their seemingly strange hours: it’s so people will be at home.

The owners served a little time and since foremost on his Motherly manager mind was drugs all the resident employees are meth heads He has developed a meth empire selling to the residents in poor neighborhoods- paying them as little as possible. On his unit inspections my diligent expert Family member intricately describes it as "the valve on the stove is falling apart like everything else in this piece of s*** place!" "He can fix anything!" Not a boast a proven fact- after he cleaned my sloppy cockroach ridden mess, which was pointed out but only mentioned as he made me coffee and continued his cleaning efforts with nonstop energy!

Praise the Lord its Sunday-He can fix anything...because he knows his stuff! The reason he can repair anything is his mechanical mind set. It is because he studies and understands and reviews to self by explaining the way the devise functions, just as he detailed our water works perfectly. Even I understood it.

Morning Residence! I get delusional! On good days I will write in my nightly accounting of the day all about how smart I am convince myself its true, for once I was the gem of a clear sighted eye! My Sis tells me I’m a fool to temper this, but I did show good judgement by taking the initiative of befriending our most dignified tweeker. Summer schedule wake at night work entertaining until it gets hot, siesta. Or brew another 3rd coffee and lace it with a pinch of my gift from a no longer questioned, yet questionable friend, tastes sweet, smells savory. So, days routine from M: at 14 then 13 toiling on double wide trailer doing landscaping it was in 89 I was getting $10/ twice a week for 3 hours $60 I was in the 5th grade, not bad. It was made of plaster and chicken wire me impatiently waiting ‘light up’!

Next I broke into car and found 17 balloons filled with coke and heroin I was in the 5th grade. I did the coke and sold the tar for $420. M knows the prison system inside out in his long drawn flying dissertation pausing only to scold his nutziod’s squeeze harshly then gone!

My resonated mind was drifting in animated caricatures the symbolic logic of how to bring a degree of spiritually in to Coronado. Dacians shamans walked on smoke clouds drifting along their rugged path towards their density. As they travel they pick up strangers, who if considered worthy of their time were brought in welcomed to become members of the tribe of pot smoking maniac who live the "high" life at Coronado heights. My Sister and I were once critiqued by Mom the authority figure, “you don’t go to church you don’t believe in God all you do is sit around on your a**** and smoke pot! “Well, yes, but we smoke pot religiously!”

Would you like an appetizer loves

We eat well eventually! I usually ask how long and nag to see if I can go back to my computer I am compulsive about on his timely schedule drink at his will reap the rewards of pot since family member has a tendency to lose it at my selfish digression. Me-"when you get around to it" he "you mean now!"

I once wrote alcohol numbs the senses marijuana crystal clears them. I also believe that and heard the wise say “a little alcohol sharpens your mind” and is beneficial thus the word Diamond! A mid-morning breakfast Mexican-Scot style scrambled and slowly gadded warmly a beer chaser tobaccos rolled gently as with a pipe. Family member prepares and serves perfectly divided with great care and effort made with loving attention! We are rebuilding never have I eaten so well drank more beer safely or smoked so much pot! Family member is literal!

Part of our rebuilding is the small yard enclosure it was overrun by weeds and the useless items we tossed out there. The plants I neglected during a cancer scare and Family member took over watering them for a while were moved out front and t is lovely. At one time Family member constructed a greenhouse that I paid for and kept the receipts the total bill was about $260 and it was a lot of outdoors working in the hot summer sun for my Family member who became obsessed as did I the garden was tomatoes a facade-we were growing herb. His efforts over the two year span were about after a learning process a pound of hydro which he tossed out during our long ordeal with mice and the city. End result a month of no weed but plenty of cigs and two ounces of near hydro quality worth $360. And a Family member was soaked and dripping in sweat as he is vulnerable to the heat, me the cold because like my dear cousin we always drink cold drinks.

I like my cousin- cousin are always cold my Aunts Granddaughter so 2ed cousin who Family member in his unique steadfastness insists is my niece however a niece is your siblings child! He’s usually right but does falter. Just now I objected to his silence and lack of attention he’s right-I mentioned nothing and he is concentrating on a performance!

It is national pick on me day I'm feeling poorly my Family member enjoys critiquing me if met with the rare complaint utters "you deserve it" I have two inner consciousness his and my Sisters to keep my craze under good maintenance. And no hydro relief!

Mike in a nick: around 2:00 pm he showed late and was a welcome sight and warmly greeted with deserved dignity he lite a joint almost immediately it was the Rocket the fuel of recollection of both word and deeds it has a calming effect on my sickened spirit, Family member at a low "you guys" loony heads "are a sight for sore eyes!" A disrupted afternoon salvaged and at rest! Both compadres curb temper the interference of pleasant knowledge! What is the cry at a rolling concert: more! More! Medicisamallity! As to sickness- pleasant distraction of word play!       

Family member is a braggart! Talking to our ailing associate I get a completely different accounting of events- "what did he say to you"? "Oh- he just went on mostly about himself I really wasn't listening. Today it was his incredible and true athletic ability boring because if you say anything he ignores it or doesn't hear it. He is so, honestly in to himself. Bike racing he excelled and is quite athletic but prone to clumsiness with his rough slamming touch. He was an excellent baseball player and was a professional Bike racer he does have bragging rights but come on! Also in his short time in boot camp his performance was complemented by top brass he chose artillery and was most ingenious the standard setter for years. He brags because unsecure learned from his upbringing and brags to self-assure I compose great things about me because I get no strokes from others.

I am sick! Demented! Yet well cared for!

Everything I need is sitting on my one of a kind custom made oak coffee table. My Family member expertly constructed it and places all my stuff conveniently on it with in my easy reach. I gave him $350 a table power saw subtracted from well spent pay his fill of beers, cigarettes and weed! When I quit drinking for months on end of the money I purchased for $160 a quarter pound of pot, which he doesn’t remember.

For him! Back pay the reward of gratitude! Friend commented: "bet he feels good about it!" No he's never happy. He has too much pride and self-respect!

Family member has been having daily anxiety attacks. He has taken on lots of responsibilities, finances and so has more worries. This is happening so often a difficult time for him with upcoming SSI tickets and providing. His paranoia about SSI is b******* all agree. He has spent the better part of his time and about $50 deroachifing our place and has done an excellent job as always. Yesterday evening stoned out and incoherently drunk he observed a roach in our kitchen again he passed out briefly rose and peed on the floor next he peed down the sink drain and tossed items around the kitchen. I put down towel and changed my socks. He just made a mess no harm done.

He's been under a lot of pressure, I understand him! I smoked some hydro and went back to my room.

Disrespectful after all it is my house! Family member is most resilient!

The arrogant condensation of a frustrated drunk genius-been there, done that I never expressed it physically chose self-inflicted pain sexually, a drunk is not an alcoholic they are not worthy of a tittle. And for my new compadre maniacs don't need to get all speeded up we are self -accelerating!

My Family member was in the military and rose in rank he was a nuisance and justified in the making of trouble. On one occasion when his transfer was delayed by the Armies inefficiency and stupidity he was told by a superior to tell someone who cares. He did Senator Goldwater who had assisted with his immigration from Canada no one got paid that month! I believe the armed forces brainwashes but family member was brought up in a violent atmosphere so resorts to physicality.

“You took me in when no one else would” paid for everything in other words provided the aid and comfort like love, which rings shallow because it doesn’t suffice the respect I have for your dignity and decency as a person!

Last evening was trying to come up with the perfect word to describe our close relationship. As well as to express the deep regard I have for you man to man, child to child and as a person came up with the perfect wording after research ardent affection, Compadre didn’t work, Comrade he’d hate, Brother too common, so turned to Spanish as I did with C.s middle name the most familiar of ties, relations indeed he’s- no wife, no kids part of my Family! Mexican friend paid me a compliment after eating my Mom’s chili con carne “you’re just a Mexican trapped in a white boy’s body!” Sister has accepted him cousin too, at the workplace the Boss always values him more than me and when visitors arrive they direct their conversation towards his most personable overwhelming charm.

Before I do anything my Family member is more than a Family member one picks their friends they don’t choose their family as he always says “we”, teamwork, yet “I’ll pay” even if it’s mine with which he is unduly generous- he is simply amazing. How did the song go ‘amazing grace”- I’m lucky! Always gives because after his Mother cursed him by telling him when very young told that his birth was jinxed by his revered Mother can only image. All because his dear Mom f***** her brother in law! He is kindly and admires hard dutiful efforts! Has respect for both himself and others, yet judges in his quest for perfection.

He is skeptical and always investigates suspecting the worst in preparation for the kill of his military mindset all this has made him: well, if I’m manic depressive he’s a paranoid schizophrenic! Evident by a raging tempered fit of anxiety! Family member shows no shame “I gotta get it out somehow” or an occasional “sorry”. I reply “it’s OK” both accepted and accepting.

Had a bad day I did a bit shared weed. To cheer himself called one of his many friends about recouping his loss as this dear has money, wise dealings! As usual it was my devious mind at work. I am a bad person with an inflated ego yet trust and trustworthy complex of a manic depressive! Since I grew up impoverished money is always on my mind. Anyway because of my evil thought’s I understand both the criminal mind as well as the corruption of the politicians!

This Family member could care less about money although when he has any he knows how much to the penny you can tell by his constant counting, yet has displacement syndrome.

The severity of the other day was extreme! Recall one of his many friends “you without a bike!” He feels and is useless without one as he is one with the machine and we can go nowhere. Stranded in the waste land of Coronado! As the schemer I came up with a plan waiting on that effort. All a titter! Came back a firm NO! Back in the day when waiting around I’d decide to plod away anyway the onset of today’s disaster was less as a scrounged a tease of his hydro. Pray not to be discovered! It may be a time to hide from the cruel world again. Spent all of yesterday in my cockroach infested room at least I caught a buzz! Be back!

More amazement! My family member went to bed contemplated our current desperate situation and is hoofing to get our wares. He times his actions as to his beer clock. I time mine for weed consumption! We are kindred spirits of one track minds and effects. When my family member is having a bad day sick or sickened so do I, they if you are very close together they are contagious! You even feel what they feel. Off again for relief bike maintenance and possible hydro maybe if real lucky beers for him I’ll abstain. Update his visit for a lock, a cheap one and inadequate for his needs on his most expensive bike that between me a sister paid for was met with rudeness he went for more moral lifting beers. Soon our meth headed rampage will arrive.

“He can be a complete drunken bum, drinks his ration of beers on an empty stomach which is not wise but does get one all the drunker.”

No, I had a big breakfast! He eats a lot and fast, whereas I with two functioning teeth chew the delicious food very slowly then a cig next weed!

“My American Heritage dictionary defines Bum as ‘A person who avoids work and seeks to live off others.’

Hasn't worked in months! Hasn't had a real job since the last time he moved-in. That causes me distress with money related problems all on me.

He can make good money when he does independent work and is always full of brilliant money making ideas he doesn’t pursue.”

Think he read this part with interest it’s from the part of a bad book I wrote that he read!

Landlady-She graced us with the rent!

After she allowed? Permitted? Awarded! Was charmed by? Suckered out of?

You’ll stoop to anything taking advantage of a cripple pick the easy prey, yet Family members made it up! By working and tolerating the poor conditions and total disorganization as well as unappreciated meritorious efforts! Our Landlady’s kindness served us well I was doing her a favor. She is old and her husband is dead in the cold ground. She needs something to do and care for as bet she’s lonely. I as always need an enabler and give her something to care for and worry about. A pet would do!

Snookered! I’m a shameless craven!


“I may be a coward, but I’m a greedy little coward”, justification! Share the rewards generously as we both are and do!

Didn’t pay! The scams of desperation!

We fit right in!

Talk about the naivety of oblivion!

Her nut case of a niece pays us her daily visit for cigarettes and to use our phone which she can’t operate.7:05 AM: "Hey" unintelligible dribble "What?" "Never mind, I'm good"! She’ll barge through our unlocked door blatant disrespect! Over mornings spurred relaxation. “Daily crisis gets the old adrenal running!” She needs help that no one around here provides. My Family member is kind and considerate with her and his good deeds are beneficial she actually returns for a moment to reality!

Mike recipe one: household meth making 2 hours Sudafed extract I'm working hard "if I'm not out robbing people I can do any drug I want!" And Mike: now we're stuck with him. "You cross a guy like that and he will kill you!" Yesterday evening he stopped in briefly we agreed he was almost normal.

Our entire family enjoys benefits by living beyond their means both spoiled and pampered with gourmet coffees high alcoholic content expensive beers and of course our mutual pleasure of hydrolized weed!

My, not that I own the dangerous dump, place is worn yet fits my and Family members needs to a tee. There is a liquor store nearby and always two or three drug sellers in residence. In 2015 my Mom was going to die and did. I was going to come in to some money was the first thing on my sick mind, not my Mother. I made lists of how to spend it and wanted a car. Never got a car and my Sister who got all the dough is supposed to give me some half in fact. We forced because of Sis’s dictatorial manner into getting a cleaner which I resented at first, but it is nice to have things clean and orderly. She is coming today and will put me to work! Cool-when done!

Just now Family member was redoing the half assed job our cleaner did! “I’m gonna b**** to your Sister about this mess it took me 5 hours to clean with more to do. She doesn’t clean ‘told girl don’t you have something to scrub’ she tidy’s-” as he slowly sipped his 3rd beer!

Note: our cleaner, maid Family member as I have struggled at employment he has passed up many most rewarding offers and opportunities for advancement. Started as a draftsman but foresaw that positions destruction taken over by computers that he despises. From drafting to as with his real Father Angus a binge drinker Architect. His oldest friend he often calls for recipes is wise in cooking and preparation of meals he suggested my Family member start a business called table to gable. From the ground up!

My Sister hates my past the just plain “meanness” as she puts it I displayed, all liquored up towards my Sainted-Mom. She will never forgive me and this as her opinion is important to me haunts my late night notes to self. She does care though and I still go to her like when young for advice after I think the situation over I conclude she was right. Nice to have some help or as somebody spouted off “I’ll take all the help I can get!

Time now for a bit on my Mom: most important aspect of my personality she, the dear I mentally abused with all my beers and ignoring her she could never do too much for me instilled in my character is an inflated sense of self-esteem which translates into confidence in self and trust in others good and common good yet spoiled me terribly and most made most self-centered. All my high points as well as my worst came from my fortunate though poor upbringing. Thanks Mom!

Family member is the Machiavellian opposite a rich poor kid pampered by work!

When I was a boy growing up with a divorced Mom was rare. She always had a job at women’s low wages she was basically uneducated and for that reason though of herself as "oh, you're so dumb"- although clever enough she could rewire a lamp. Her loving care and spending habits were for us kids first for her efforts the always busy I felt kind of ignored yet never felt poor. Same with our lifestyle we are in most ways rich! Most days we retire with full tummies a bit under the influence and soundly content! For my Family member it couldn't have been worse we are so opposite we are alike. He was beaten and neglected and resented if not full-fledged hatred from and by his rich but deadbeat of love own educated family, one pampered but worked one spoiled orchestrator.

When my Mom died neither Sister or I cried my Family member I believe is full of pent up emotions, but when a cat died the very animal that ruined the reign of my ugly ill-tempered cat by ripping the poor critter to ribbons Family member let go and cried, so did I. He has tender sympathies "I cry at the Beverly Hillbillies when Granny gets her gun". We received a lot of needed stuff my Mom's possessions that were almost new to replace our worn out crap furniture he being him briefly ran away from home. “I’m tired of being the house nigger!” Anyway the cleaner plays an insignificant role in our lives. She is nice enough but dumb and like everybody leads a tattered life. I resent her because her pay comes out of our food rations costs dope, cigs and alcohol! So, we usually sent her home early with pay and sometimes as Family member is most gracious to workers having both of us been exploited he feeds her too!

There was another cat an old one of 17 years he took to constant yowling most disturbing Family Member at my suggestion to get rid of the animal drowned him in our toilet which had to be replaced I believe it was haunted!

It was roach day both the insect and the quarter smoked weed variety. We were fumigating and I needed to find someplace to go Family member picked the library they were closed for remodeling there I sat for 2 hours. There was fortunately a Security Guard there to pass the time a Mexican accent and denier! Glad he was there! Suggestable state of mind that is to say the ability of a direction! The amusing lack of world attention because entertaining self. Marijuana hang-over!

It has always been an interesting stay. Crazy people drunk tradesmen a food services worker that supplies the entire complex with cigarettes and hosts of transients with no place better to go. Some of the neighbors give us the silent treatment “hi” dead meat, most at first. The few friends we have made include drug dealers, users, Junkies wonderers and we even had a guy I didn’t care for, the bum, hung self over a woman. Family member critical statement “with all your begging you’re the trailer park pariah!” My retort “have two”-“thanks”. Not a trailer court, but if successful the residents move into one.

An old woman B S moved out 3 years ago I still get mail for her hubby, the flake, she had a car. Vehicles are at a premium here. Most ride bikes bus it or walk to their destinations. I’d pay her $40 dollars a month for all my traveling needs for groceries, Doctors, Dentists and went so far as to resent after a wait her doing me the favor of driving me where ever I wanted to go, what nerve! My next driver was $100 but arrived fast and safely without much waiting. Pay for what you get. And there is more then I took advantage of her good nature as she proudly announced: “God put me on earth to help people” a green Bic!

I’m an addict, hooked to both tobacco and pot “marijuana isn’t addictive” “I know! I just love it makes me feel creative” “That’s the reason your writing comes out so rambling you do it stoned out of your mind!” And the cigarettes 50 years of them and a nasty hacking cough. Is time to quit again the longest I’ve gone is 3 days, but no one believes me. Think since it’s the fidgeting and smoke I care for I’ll try a tobacco pipe.

Back to B-S she drove the 20 miles to Tobacco Barn on the reservation where ciggies costs 40% less, there was her addiction at the same local a casino where I’d save on cigarettes, but blow more gambling than it was worth.  

Miss her!    

Visitor’s people gather on day off. Many friends drink, conversing in intricate detail of past haunts enjoyably sharing just to pass time. Right now its prison stories 5x5 cell the whole city is a prison in Florence AZ.

The dressed orange inmates on release drink passion fruit vodka! Warmly pass bottle around to comfort the celebrations of international cannabis day 2019!

No $400 check! Easter- Carol Fat Butt!!!

Made it!

M person with a love sick sob story after beating avoiding murder at Coronado heights- a double suicide talked him -self down long drawn out rope of perils edge. After drinking 2 pints 99 vodka straight, obligated by kids, she was honest with the authorities "how stupid can you get!" The hour rant by the meth head with murder on mind and suicide threats was tough to endure. Family member sarcastically scolded me for making friends with the loony household “Oh he’s nice!” Child Protective Services coming in was wise for the crazy b**** and neglectful drug crazed Mother. “I changed my whole life for her and want to kill her at times”. He’s as much bad news as good! Further consideration at least he usually is nagged into submission and departs quickly. Good! Lonely! Comes over to vent and tell you about his work, smoke weed of which he is an expert. Mike only buys top shelf it is very potent.

Reminds me of last hearing of suicide threat by CV who would drop by overstay his welcome be real obnoxious yet getting us drunk and stoned. And for this he had Family member work on his bike for free and we both would try to tolerate him. He’d buy us beers despite my Family member’s protests as I wasn’t supposed to drink any.

Once when the steroid induced pretend martial artist and muscle man he got in fisticuffs with Family member the coward backed off quickly and my Family member permanently 86ed him! That ordeal was over a wrecked car! All for-

Gifts! The question is was it worth the price? After this visit I consider M lonely for someone to address coherently who will at least understand, again the justification!

I have lived in the same apartment complex since 2001 18 years. Until recently I always paid the rent in full on time.

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