Joe casill's Blog (19)

slowly melting away are these bonds that bind me,

letting loose this beast that defines me,

going mad in a world with no compassion,

making my own rules setting my ownfashion.

look into my eyes can you see my pain,

would you my devil friend condem me again,

when you see the sweat drip from my brow,

do you laugh and say "we are even now!"

when i come in tired from the lashes of the sun,

do you smerk and say "know now I have won",

look at me me devil friend,

this is just the begining and not the end,

with every lash i grow stronger,

your snide looks effect me no longer,

fear me because of my…

um hi okay so i am the exile,your going to get to know me and the people and cultures that live around me. where do i live? you ask,go ahead ask it, out loud i can hear you,not really but kolic ,one of my "mentors" says that the winds carry your voice through out the four corners on the world and if you quiet your mind,you can hear them,never tried it myself but kolic says it works.

Okay back to me,i live in africa with the zebras and jellophants,cause they're fat and wobblie,yeeea…

Lord hear me as i pray,

as i begin my day,

protect all the children that are abused,

let there tormentors be known through out

the news,

let no mercy come to those who hurt the little ones,

for those children that parish may they see the Holy One,

yes Lord protect them and guide us along the way,

forgive our foolishness as we begine to stray,

as for me i just want to see your face,

Holy Father,

Holy…

There i was 14 looking at the future woundering what life had in store for me,

now here i am 40 looking at the past remembering about the days i was happy and free,

the boy use to say "in 10 years i'll be 24 and all on my own,"

the man say "i wish i was safe,back in my home"

the boy looks up to the sky and asks "Lord,when i'm 34 what will i do?"

the man kneels before God and prays "i wish i was with you"

the boy asks his dad "when i'm 40 will I have…

each touch is like fire to my skin,

lighting each desire within,

a hug,a caress feels like power surging thre my body,

it's exotic,erotic,making me feel naughty,

you see others touch is new to me,

each feeling sets my soul free,

i stand alone as i walk my path,

the only things i feel is hate and wrath,

yet when someone touches this virgin skin,

fire egnites deep within,

i want more,it's like a drug to me,

my breath…

you the voice inside my head,

the voice inside my heart,

the wings to lift me up when i'm feeling down,

your the music in my head,when i'm alone in my bed,

now you are the rain,while i'm dancing and i'm singing and i'm feeling

what your bringing,

now i'm falling and your catching and your holding me so closely,

can you feel my heart beating now,oh oh baby

can you feel my heart beating now,can you feel it

can you feel my heart…

i oftened wondered what  my life would be like if you had lived,

would i have moved to a small town and learned to give,

would i have suffered by the demons of hate,

if you had stayed,mom, if you had stayed,

would i have coward before men,

worn the scars as i tryed to deffend,

faced my death and welcomed him as a friend,

prayed to God asking for the end,

ressurected a new creature of strength and no fear,

helping those that…

i oftened wondered what  my life would be like if you had lived,

would i have moved to a small town and learned to give,

would i have suffered by the demons of hate,

if you had stayed,mom, if you had stayed,

would i have coward before men,

worn the scars as i tryed to deffend,

faced my death and welcomed him as a friend,

prayed to God asking for the end,

ressurected a new creature of strength and no fear,

helping those that…

blessed vengence hear my prayer,

strike them down those that do not care,

for me i am broken my heart my soul,

blessed vengence do as your told,

i gave my love away to soon,

without mercy she struck at me made me a baffoon,

my hate runs deep my anger on fire,

blessed vengence do as i desire,

let her feel my pain,

let it drive her insain,

let her know love that is lost,

let her heart be torn let that feeling be her…

i feel hate and i like it,

i'm tired of all this emotional s***,

the one that i cared for wanted someone who was dumb and poor,

tryed to express my feelings to the one i know,

but they only care for the feelings i don't show,

i'm vengeful and i want pain,

she will suffer as i have suffered,i will drive her insain,

so today i hunt for another that will bring me peace,

or help this pain in me finally cease,

i got out and steal back…

walking thru the sands of time asking God when she will be mine,

He laughs and snickers and with a grin He says,

"love for you is such a sin,

i've made a promise to the females below,

that you my friend will walk alone,

no lips will touch yours and no one will cheer,

you my friend will walk alone..here,"

i brushed the sands…

my hands are lifed i'm ready to fly,

my heart is pumping i hope i don't die,

i'm fly and standing,

i'm free as a bird,

i'm in love with another but it can not be my turn,

she wants to be friends and i understand,

i can push back these feelings,yes i am a man,

though my sex is on fire and wanting to flow,…

her eyes are blue like the sky,

i wonder if she wonders why,

she is beautiful in a Christian way,

if i met her what would i say,

she has red hair and a funny looking smile,

if we met would we talk for awhile,

it's forbidden to feel this way,

i should forget her no feelings stay,

what am i am man threw…

the waves they crash on the shore of bleached white sand,

two lovers love and walk hand in hand,

all is well love flows like sweet honey,

the day it's bright but not too sunny,

in the midst are the trees stands a man,

his eyes red,he's been crying,

slowly inside he's been dieing,

he feels alone,like the only one,…

i pound my fists the blood it flows,

i hate this secret no one knows,

i hate to feel so alone,

i hate that no one can ever know,

dammed,

silent,

still,

i cut at my skin i want to see my blood,

i'm angry all the time why can't anyone see this mud,

my clothes they reek of sin and…

the ice is cracking all around me i'm afraid what i might find,

the voices are howling very loudly about the great devine,

my skin is tingling,my hands they shake,my head is spinning,

my body aches,

whats happening to me?

why do i feel light and free?

i drop to my knees,i'm going mad!

i feel happy,lonely,sad,…

we said this relationship was just for show and tell,

for you to keep the boys away and for me ,"well, what the hell."

when i touch your skin and kiss your lips my cold heart begins to skip,

your warm skin next to me,

these thoughts of hate begin yo fllee,

we laugh,we talk,we hold hands everyday,

then came that day we began to lay,…

fallen angel pray to the God above,

"what is this thing humans call love?"

"i broke my promise to you Lord to serve you night and day,

have mercy on your servant Lord as i kneel down and pray,

the beauty that has made me fall to the ground bellow,

called to me one night as she sobbed on her pillow.

'angel of God come to me and love me for all…