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Excerpt from Reeshard and The Great Parish Swamp / Gramp's Journal (Book 1)

  Suddenly the first growl sounded out and Genny screamed. The darkmoor leapt quickly from the shadows and just as quickly fell to the ground lifeless. A sudden flash of light and its being was headed to the spirit realm. Two more leapt out and howled one last time before dead moss crunched under their lifeless forms. Another came with teeth bared and claws poised but it too fell in silence.

  Shadeyla’s high pitched screams tore through the darkness. The faster the darkmoor came the faster they fell silent. The whooshing of staffs and stones broke the air as the whistling of torts echoed outwards. Yelps of pain and squeals of anguish answered back as darkmoor tried in vain to take us.

  Genny screamed as one landed aside us with claws slashing away. The whoosh of a staff was heard before the thud of it hitting the darkmoor dead on. A yelp of pain was released as it tumbled backwards and a tort ended its suffering forever. Another leapt at the gargan behind us and his arm swung at lightning speed to knock it aside. Another leapt onto his back and was quickly flung into the mur before its teeth could find their mark.

  Minutes seemed like hours as they came and then it stopped as suddenly as it started. Back to slowly stalking alongside us they went as Shadeyla’s shrill voice sounded out her warning.

  “You will die in this swamp. You will all die,” she screamed. “You Denegrille will see the realm of darkness true. This I swear.” As her voice trailed off the attacks began again. This time they came from all sides at once. A frantic mix of battle took place all around me as Genny held me tighter still.

  A skittering yelled as he was dragged into the shadows. An implet yelled as two darkmoor attacked and all three tumbled into the mur. Shadeyla’s hideous laughter broke the air in echoes as the attack continued. Growls sounded behind me as I turned to see a gargan taking three into the mur with him. An implet yelled as he was dragged off and then another right after. In minutes the attacks stopped again and only the noise of darkmoor clumsily stumbling alongside us was heard.

  They had come in groups and most had been taken down quickly. Still, they had taken a few of us with them as well. Shadeyla laughed loudly at the losses we suffered. Her shrieking laughter tore through us in waves of pain piercing our eardrums.

  “And still you come closer,” she screamed.

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Replies to This Discussion

This is a nice tense scene but too many terms that may have been explained at some earlier point left me confused as to what was what.

darkmoor?

who's swing the staff?

tort?

gargan?

mur?

implet?

I get no picture for these

I'm assuming that it must be Denegrille who is swinging the staff - that's also assuming 'Denegrille' is a proper name.

Really sorry about the confusion Anna. My idea was to hopefully create a curiosity in someone wanting to find out more about what was going on and just who and what the unknown terms represented in my book. Being a fantasy/adventure mainly set in an alternate realm most of the book relates to beings and things spoken of in bedtime stories, folk lore, campfire tales, fairy tales and such. Should I offer that kind of information with the excerpts or should I offer more of an introductory excerpt?

I'm not going to tell you what to post. I do love fairytales but if that's your foundation, regardless of your realm, I should recognize the creatures, or most of them anyway.

One editor's blog I follow runs an online critique thing on his blog. He posts the first page of someone's submission and asks if his readers would turn the page. There's a whole voting thing and all, and then he puts in his two cents worth at the end. It's supposed to help people start a great story. I've never participated but sometimes they are interesting to read through. Flogging the Quill is what his site is called if you're interested.

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