I struggle through this life, as a young woman, the kind of person who is always remembered but seldom by name. It can feel sometimes that the things we are taught as young girls are mainly lies. I don’t believe however that we are told these lies in a malicious manner, nor do our parents wish to deceive us, no we are misled by our parents dreams and desires. We are told about a world they wish existed - the perfect world they so desperately want to bring us up in. One where men will treat us like the princesses our dads think we are, a world where we will be able to see the good in everyone rather than keeping up a guard in case they actually intend to hurt us in some way.
I live in a generation of people who are caught up in a consumerist world, where what we own indicates our worth more than our actions. It is hard not to enter into this consuming world, in fact one is almost forced to be part of it. Many of us no longer save for a rainy day, as long as we’ve got an Ipod to play when the rain comes we’ll be fine; won’t we?
My generation seldom commit to long term relationships, with terms like ‘f**k buddies’ being used unashamedly by so many of the people I meet. No longer do you date someone as way of getting know them, you are merely ‘seeing them’ the difference? Well it is only socially acceptable to date one person, but we can see many- after all time is short and it probably won’t last anyway, why not get to know a few at a time!
I live in a place in time where we are told what we should look like. No longer is unique something that we celebrate - we want to fit in, not to stand out in a crowd. In many circles alcohol in access is not only acceptable but actively encouraged… friends will spur on others to drink until they pass out - apparently you’re not a ‘real’ student until you end up in a strange place at 5am covered in vomit with no idea how you ended up there or what happened the night before.
This is how I see the world sometimes, when my heart feels like it is breaking for some reason or another, when all the stresses and strains of day to day life finally catch up with me, I sit and look at the world with a heart filled almost with despair.
There is a space in my heart, no bigger than a pin prick, filled with a love so strong it can fill my whole body with hope.
My generation is surrounded by young carers, giving up their childhood to look after their mum or dad, because they love them so much that mobile phones, clubbing and ipods are no longer important.
Many of the people my age take gap years between school and university and spend this time in third world countries, building wells, teaching English to children who can’t afford to pay for an education system that we constantly complain about.
I am surrounded by people who are willing to step outside this consumerist world, who are determined to stand out, people who are willing to give up their own lives to make a difference to someone else.
Maybe I am seldom remembered by name because I spend too much time trying to fit in. I gave my heart to God, but only allow him a pin prick of space, the rest of it too filled with the world… yet with that tiniest part of me he is able to give me a hope that always survives the worst, death, grief, anger, pain, hurt, jealously, lust… how much more would I stand out if I daily gave Him my whole heart?