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Once Again

The last drop of rainwater from the leaves...

The last ray of the setting sun...

The last hues of a fading rainbow...

The last notes of the final song...



...The last traces of my love lost...



Yet, it rains all over again,

Yet, the sun rises next day again,

Tomorrow, a new rainbow before long...

And, new melodies and rhythm in a new song...



...And, yet I love thee once again...

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Replies to This Discussion

very good iambic tempo and rhythm
Thank u :)

Larry A Cochran said:
very good iambic tempo and rhythm
Thank u again :)

David McDonald said:
Very good indeed i love the refreshing theme on the end.
Beautifully written Pritha... It touches a place in my heart for the balance of grief and joy belong.  Here's to sadness and moving on… S.
Thank u so much :) Yeah, how moving on sometimes can become falling back :) love, forever love, it is!

Shira Loustaunau said:
Beautifully written Pritha... It touches a place in my heart for the balance of grief and joy belong.  Here's to sadness and moving on… S.

Hi Pritha

Your poem is good as it stands but might you take it to a higher level?

There are not many lines which makes it easier to add comments on the poem.

Is your poem 'easy'? Have you finished it? Have you published?Only you will know those answers.

However.

Consider the word 'last' as used in the first four lines.

Consider too of changing , each 'last' to another specific word. The first 'last' might turn into 'final'; the 2nd 'last' perhaps 'faint'; the 3rd 'last' might become 'end'; and the 4th 'last' turns into 'passed.' Also suggestion for first 'yet' is to turn it into 'soft'; and the 2nd 'yet' to turn it into 'when.'

Plus the penultimate  line: change the first word  'And' into ' As' which is an action word.

Then the last line; 'And yet' wave the  magic-wand and change it into 'perhaps.'

These are my suggestions. Give them a try and see.

 Notice you are from India. I was born in Calcutta.

Best

Cleveland

 

I like Cleveland's suggestions Pritha... they enhance and do not take any meaning away from the beauty of it.  S.
The final drop of rainwater from the leaves...

The faint ray of the setting sun...

The end hues of a fading rainbow...

The passed notes of the final song...



...The last traces of my love lost...



Soft, it rains all over again,

When, the sun rises next day again,

Tomorrow, a new rainbow before long...

As, new melodies and rhythm in a new song...



...Perhaps, I love thee once again...
WOW! that does sound more beautiful! Thanks for your suggestions, Clebeland!
And wooohooo you were born in Calcutta? seriously??? guess what? I am born and brought up in Calcutta and it's my city! I am in Hyderabad for the last 4 yrs for work. 
Check out my blog on Calcutta, you might like it! And, add in your comments too :)


Cleveland W. Gibson said:

Hi Pritha

Your poem is good as it stands but might you take it to a higher level?

There are not many lines which makes it easier to add comments on the poem.

Is your poem 'easy'? Have you finished it? Have you published?Only you will know those answers.

However.

Consider the word 'last' as used in the first four lines.

Consider too of changing , each 'last' to another specific word. The first 'last' might turn into 'final'; the 2nd 'last' perhaps 'faint'; the 3rd 'last' might become 'end'; and the 4th 'last' turns into 'passed.' Also suggestion for first 'yet' is to turn it into 'soft'; and the 2nd 'yet' to turn it into 'when.'

Plus the penultimate  line: change the first word  'And' into ' As' which is an action word.

Then the last line; 'And yet' wave the  magic-wand and change it into 'perhaps.'

These are my suggestions. Give them a try and see.

 Notice you are from India. I was born in Calcutta.

Best

Cleveland

 

Yeah I like them too :) Check in the reply, I made the changes

Shira Loustaunau said:
I like Cleveland's suggestions Pritha... they enhance and do not take any meaning away from the beauty of it.  S.
Thank u so much! Its a treasure to have readers like u all :)

Rege Schilken said:

Very nice Pritha!

 

The comparisons add a real twist to your poem. I like your writing.

 

regis schilken



Pritha Chattopadhyay said:
The final drop of rainwater from the leaves...
 The faint ray of the setting sun...  

The end hues of a fading rainbow...

The passed notes of the final song...

...The last traces of my love lost...

Soft, it rains all over again,

When, the sun rises next day again,

Tomorrow, a new rainbow before long...

As, new melodies and rhythm in a new song...

...Perhaps, I love thee once again...

WOW! that does sound more beautiful! Thanks for your suggestions, Clebeland!
And wooohooo you were born in Calcutta? seriously??? guess what? I am born and brought up in Calcutta and it's my city! I am in Hyderabad for the last 4 yrs for work. 
Check out my blog on Calcutta, you might like it! And, add in your comments too :)

Hi Pritha
You are welcome. I'm glad you liked those suggestions. And I live at 53 Ripon Street , not far from the Lower Circular Road. Behind Ripon Street was the place where Mother Teresa worked. I attended St Xaviers College. Had lots of fun . In the summer we went up into the hills in Assam. Never a dull moment .
You've painted a wonderful picture of Calcutta. I appreciate what you've written and there is so much more you've not mentioned. But it is that kind of city. It has a buzz. I loved it  even though I've experienced drama there  and left my own blood on the streets. I wrote my experiences(in a short story) under the title 'Bolero Considered.' I remember the Cinema and the vast indoor markets. Of course , then there were the police who called on a Sunday. Another story. Iron bars on the windows and the kite fling with glass powder on the string. Loved the evenings on the flat roof. And the cobras. It was fun.
Best for now
Cleveland
Take a look at the following link:

 http://karenwojcikberner.blogspot.com
It is pure fun.

 


I like this poem.  Are you writing about a lost love?  It's touching.

 

Abimbola.

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