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Why is it that I feel as if my family hates me?

Everything I say or do dosen't please them, and their always calling me retared, good for nothing, worthless.

Its hurts && me being young and bigger then the rest of the girls...I really hurts. I feel as if they hates me becuase their always hitting or calling me names. i try so hard not to made them mad but in the end nothing ever works.

I just wish I was prettier or smarter. I want to believe Im pretty. I look at myself, not just look..I stare, and I ask myself why no ones loves me...why Im not taken by some hottie Mc hot hot?

Deep down, i do know im realy pretty I've had people tell me, but I go off of what others tell me, That I'm an ugly, fat stupid, worthless person.

Im a fun person. Loud, soo many people have told me Im funny. Were they all lies? Were they really thinking otherwise...I've had ex lovers tell me I was fat ugly and annoying. I supose that should bother me, hes just a guy...But it did becuase he was just the guy I loved.

I walk around the malls and see the tiny girls trying on the NEXT prom dress, and they have really cute boyfriends. && they can fit the clothes they try on..It sucks becuase I look to the side of me..I see noone..No one to hold me.

Or tell me im prettier then then. Or if I cant fit an outfit or its ugly on me...they're not there to tell me i dont need it, im too good for it.

Ive tried diets, working out..IStillDo! nothing works.

I see these big girls that arent so cute Im my eyes and bigger then me getting guys and Im just like...Am I really that ugly? OR that fat or something. I just dont know.

Im young, Ill find love...Right?, Theres someone for me...RighT?

I just dont know..

I sit in my bed just thinking...wow...If I was pretty I could get this guy or that guy. or if i was skinny I woyld rock that shirt..

But its easier Thought then said or done. Maybe one day Ill get out of a size 14-16 and to a size 5-6.

just mabye.

I sit in my bed crying at night wondering why that love of my life wont come back to me. Am I ugly, too fat, crazy? Or Dose he not love me anymore...did he ever love me?

I get so angry at the girl hes with, I want to kill her, but then i think wow shes lucky to be with the guy I love...the guy i made plans with...the one i named our kids with thought I didnt even want at the time but he did!

I just cant take the fact that hes gone. and not comming back! i dont wana be 'The Crazy Ex' But I love him too much to let him go.

He was && is my everything. .

But since then I found someone. (Brandon) Hes calls me beautiful, irisistable, wonderful, the one he wants to be with. he comferts me in my hard times..but its harder to love him because Im still in love with my ex.

I dont want to with Brandon becuase I dont want him hurt in the end!

We're VERY close friends. But thats all i wanna be if my ex is stillin the picture...

I hope I get the all together.

I have my whole life ahead of me...I just want to spend it with him.

But they deserve someone pretty, skinny && smart.

I dont want to be in public and humiliate him..

Or Be cheated on with a sexier girl...

There my everything...

&& I love them

My life isnt the best right now.

Why do the poeple I feel the way they do about me?

Some HATE me and some LOVE me...

I hate/love my life...

ugh...

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