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It has Been a loooong while since i have set a discussion hasnt it? 

 I blame the fact i am in the last year of high school. 

therefore Stress and un nesscary madness grows rampant 

lol Well... Ive thought to myself frequently .

 as always upon a daily basis..

I had peeked through my journal..To find a script of pure insane thought i must have written during a phase of tender mind..

haha, I wish to share with you all. ;) 

the passage had made me grow to thinking of a question to ask of you and myself.

since i am now in a more stable state of mind then that of when i wrote it. 

haha. lol

here it is.....

       " Good Evening And good day...

I find myself quietly investigating the disturbed corners of the sanctuary known as my mind..

It seems to loose grasps of my emotions it has..

All is fuzzy..

A unnatural blur far beyond what i loved and recongnize..

Life has become a dreaded Dream..

All leading to extinction.

and yet I grow quite fond of the idea...

Fascinating it is...

It seems to be.

The realization of death nearing closer day by day..

Ah... The relief the end shall be...

It has Been Destined to be.

The end, So Fabulously near....

                                             How Charming.    "

 

So.... That is what ive written..and as i said i found myself thinking..

Have you all found yourself within a moment like this? in which your thoughts , your actions are far from you? in which they take control ? When all is a blur and you bearly comprehend yourself? when your deepest thoughts surface, and slaps your sense aside? I will ask . and i will ask Myself now...

Who am We? Deep down, who are we really?


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Well my mother who had Alzheimer's passed away peacfully in her sleep, five minutes after midnight Saturday morning 11-19-2011 The nursing home called gave me the news, I'd been to see her that Friday evening, told her I loved her, and that she was a wonderful mother, that it was Ok if she wanted to leave, as me and my sisters would be Ok. She was non responsive but she must of heard me. As five minutes after midnight Saturday morning they called told me she had passed away peacefully in her sleep. Her battle is now over, and I find peace in the knowledge that she will be with family now up there and completely healed, in mind, body, and soul. Love you Mom now and forever. Your son Garry  Save me a seat mom. 

 

Hi Garry

That sounds like she sailed away on a sea of love. Heartfelt wishes for you and your family from Scotland; remember the good times.

 



Garry Edward Lewis said:

Well my mother who had Alzheimer's passed away peacfully in her sleep, five minutes after midnight Saturday morning 11-19-2011 The nursing home called gave me the news, I'd been to see her that Friday evening, told her I loved her, and that she was a wonderful mother, that it was Ok if she wanted to leave, as me and my sisters would be Ok. She was non responsive but she must of heard me. As five minutes after midnight Saturday morning they called told me she had passed away peacefully in her sleep. Her battle is now over, and I find peace in the knowledge that she will be with family now up there and completely healed, in mind, body, and soul. Love you Mom now and forever. Your son Garry  Save me a seat mom. 

 

its a great show . lol plus rin should get more praise. 

Callie Leah said:

Thanks, and you too! 
Oh, and since you actually know who she is...that just makes you ten times more awesome! Just sayin! :)

Betty Damil said:
the phases of our personalities create who we are. you make yourself callie. in all its who you tend to be the most. thanks for writing and continue as you are. dark moments occurs often. well to me i guess. bi=ut try not to let it traumatize you. it can be a good thing... haha rin . great choice. lol 

Callie Leah said:

In complete and utter honestly, yes. I've been in one moment like this before where my deepest darkest thoughts pushed reality aside and my actions took over before I could think, but no one knows what I did during that dark moment, and it's not the funnest thing to think about either...let's just say I hope it never happens again.

 

To answer your question...who am I? Well that's a question I myself have yet to find an answer to.

Am I the literary writer I aspire to be?
Am I the vintage-loving, classical girl I so admire?

Am I the Japanese-loving, almost bilingual hardcore Vocaloid fan who can't wait to cosplay as Rin in April?

Am I the sweet girlfriend in the perfect relationship everyone loves?

Am I the scared little girl who breaks down and cries on the off chance her thoughts do take over, because she's scared of what she'll find out?

 

I wish I could say I'm all of those things, but I don't see how they can mix with each other. My life has always been full of contradictions, and I'm trying to get rid of them, but I just can't.

The classic in me would never dream of seeing something as horrendous as a virtual hologram singing and dancing in short-shorts. The anime-freak would never be interested in something as 'boring' as an opera. The scared little girl would be to nervous to ever be part of the her highschools cutest couple, and the perfect girlfriend would never be so selfish as to worry about herself this much.

 

The writer...well she's just sitting in the background taking notes looking for ways to tell each story in an interesting detailed way ;)

 

So as much as I wonder, I don't know who I am, and I'm scared to have to find out, but I know one day I won't have a choice, but for now, I'm the classical, anime-obsessed, sweet, scared, confident, fun, french/japanese/english speaking writer, and until my overactive mind gets it all sorted out, I like being that girl :)

awww darling . im sorry i got the news so late. but i wish u the best . and i wish to say she must have been a remarkable mother, to raise a man like you. Its nice to know she slipped away peacefully. Enjoy your life garry, Your mother loves you  and will never cease to nuture you spiritually, mentally, and emotionally. 

Love you garry!

Garry Edward Lewis said:

Well my mother who had Alzheimer's passed away peacfully in her sleep, five minutes after midnight Saturday morning 11-19-2011 The nursing home called gave me the news, I'd been to see her that Friday evening, told her I loved her, and that she was a wonderful mother, that it was Ok if she wanted to leave, as me and my sisters would be Ok. She was non responsive but she must of heard me. As five minutes after midnight Saturday morning they called told me she had passed away peacefully in her sleep. Her battle is now over, and I find peace in the knowledge that she will be with family now up there and completely healed, in mind, body, and soul. Love you Mom now and forever. Your son Garry  Save me a seat mom. 

 

I know, right? I love her and Len! :)

Betty Damil said:

its a great show . lol plus rin should get more praise. 

Callie Leah said:

Thanks, and you too! 
Oh, and since you actually know who she is...that just makes you ten times more awesome! Just sayin! :)

Betty Damil said:
the phases of our personalities create who we are. you make yourself callie. in all its who you tend to be the most. thanks for writing and continue as you are. dark moments occurs often. well to me i guess. bi=ut try not to let it traumatize you. it can be a good thing... haha rin . great choice. lol 

Callie Leah said:

In complete and utter honestly, yes. I've been in one moment like this before where my deepest darkest thoughts pushed reality aside and my actions took over before I could think, but no one knows what I did during that dark moment, and it's not the funnest thing to think about either...let's just say I hope it never happens again.

 

To answer your question...who am I? Well that's a question I myself have yet to find an answer to.

Am I the literary writer I aspire to be?
Am I the vintage-loving, classical girl I so admire?

Am I the Japanese-loving, almost bilingual hardcore Vocaloid fan who can't wait to cosplay as Rin in April?

Am I the sweet girlfriend in the perfect relationship everyone loves?

Am I the scared little girl who breaks down and cries on the off chance her thoughts do take over, because she's scared of what she'll find out?

 

I wish I could say I'm all of those things, but I don't see how they can mix with each other. My life has always been full of contradictions, and I'm trying to get rid of them, but I just can't.

The classic in me would never dream of seeing something as horrendous as a virtual hologram singing and dancing in short-shorts. The anime-freak would never be interested in something as 'boring' as an opera. The scared little girl would be to nervous to ever be part of the her highschools cutest couple, and the perfect girlfriend would never be so selfish as to worry about herself this much.

 

The writer...well she's just sitting in the background taking notes looking for ways to tell each story in an interesting detailed way ;)

 

So as much as I wonder, I don't know who I am, and I'm scared to have to find out, but I know one day I won't have a choice, but for now, I'm the classical, anime-obsessed, sweet, scared, confident, fun, french/japanese/english speaking writer, and until my overactive mind gets it all sorted out, I like being that girl :)

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