Kimberly gray's Posts - Authors.com2024-03-29T08:01:12Zkimberly grayhttp://www.authors.com/profile/kimberlygrayhttp://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/1547974011?profile=RESIZE_48X48&width=48&height=48&crop=1%3A1http://www.authors.com/profiles/blog/feed?user=1bhfofhcex7st&xn_auth=noA route to help existstag:www.authors.com,2012-07-18:3798404:BlogPost:1420172012-07-18T18:26:16.000Zkimberly grayhttp://www.authors.com/profile/kimberlygray
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<div id="img_desc_6849413">Ashley Davisdon and yes it was his birthday, turning eleven which was three days ago so please do wish him a belated birthday–ok it’s really me</div>
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<div><div id="mod_19678083"><h2>The workings behind the site;</h2>
<div id="txtd_19678083"><p>Many important factors come into…</p>
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<div id="img_desc_6849413">Ashley Davisdon and yes it was his birthday, turning eleven which was three days ago so please do wish him a belated birthday–ok it’s really me</div>
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<div><div id="mod_19678083"><h2>The workings behind the site;</h2>
<div id="txtd_19678083"><p>Many important factors come into play as to why I am bringing you this spotlight. Namely, 1) a website humble and inviting called, My Route to Help and 2) a dude named Ashley Davidson.</p>
<p>As I have been a recovering addict for years, in and out of treatment, Ash has been the first person I ever heard offering to <strong>EDUCATE</strong> the surroundings of any addiction rather than promising to HELP.</p>
<p>Having said that, education helps so many in need and Ash is a wizard at being able to hone in on a topic or subject and kindly define it then validate it.</p>
<p><strong>Education</strong> is our strongest weapon to give our children the tools to fight starting drugs!</p>
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<div id="mod_19679490"><h2>Recently</h2>
<div id="txtd_19679490"><p>promoting my book <a href="https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/159281">My life as a white, female drug dealer</a>, A story of hope, I stumbled upon My Route to Help. I loved the sight instantly. It’s simplicity and to the point, no useless social networking, no videos or numerous photos, rather a simple and powerful site of people helping people.</p>
<p>My column Dear Addict for years was based on the same criteria. Through someone sharing a part of themselves or knowledge, they are reaching out to someone else.</p>
<p>Ash has done a brilliant job and I have been trying to write one or two articles/stories a week. Need to get this flu gone to continue.</p>
<p><em><strong>We all have a mandate as writers and this is one I hope you feel strongly about as I do. Ash needs writers, anything pertaining to enrich our knowledge around addictions and alcohol, all of it. There are people struggling everywhere and no one has been untouched in retrospect to these disorders. HubPages is a writing site, I know a caring one, that is more than willing to write an article for MY ROUTE TO HELP.</strong></em></p>
<p>At least check it out, you’ll enjoy publishing knowing you could be touching someone, in a big way.</p>
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<div id="mod_19679352"><h2>MRTH site introduction;</h2>
<div id="txtd_19679352"><p>Make no mistake, Ash has a clear vision on how to present information and compassion. Jus read this;</p>
<p>Hello,</p>
<p>Thank you for visiting My Route To Help, we hope you enjoy your stay and pass it on to others. I started this website in the summer 2011, I had the motivation from getting a role as a volunteer with CRI. I thought it would be a good thing to do in my spare time to hopefully help more people than what I would be as a volunteer and so far I have.</p>
<p>Within the first 6 months of the website been online it has been through a lot of changes, it first started off a blog type layout without any user integration however now you can make your own profile with an image and a bio which allows you to post your own articles on the website. This is a big hit with readers and our writers. We have 3 writers who regularly post on the website and they have all received very positive feedback on all articles submitted onto the website.</p>
<p><strong>What we do?</strong></p>
<p>We offer a very simple service to people who want self-help, a lot of people have a fear of seeking help, sometimes they just don’t this is what I want to limit, I want people to read up on the drugs they are taking in simple terms so they understand and to be able to read other people’s success stories to know that every goal is an achievable goal! We offer information on drugs like heroin,cocaine and amphetamine. We also offer advise on harm reduction for example how to stop abscesses and what is the hepatitis virus. And finally we offer some addiction help as well as people s real life success stories of addiction which can be used to help people get through their own struggles!</p>
<p><strong>Communication is key</strong></p>
<p>Recently we have just started a new message board which is on this link here. I have discovered that addiction forums are hard to come by on the internet. Majority of forums that are on the internet do not offer a lot of talking points about addiction and they mainly talk about the drugs themselves in a positive way and not a negative away which is more encouraging to people. So please take the time, if you’re a professional or looking for help do sign up and start talking to people.</p>
<p>Thank you for reading</p>
<p>Ash Davidson</p>
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<div id="mod_19679412"><h2>REPEAT:</h2>
<div id="txtd_19679412"><h2>do not offer a lot of talking points about addiction and they mainly talk about the drugs themselves in a positive way and not a negative way which is more encouraging to people. So please take the time, if you’re a professional or looking for help do sign up and start talking to people.</h2>
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<div id="mod_19678020"><h2>**************My route to help website link</h2>
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<li><a href="http://www.myroutetohelp.co.uk/">My Route To Help | Leave The Life Of Drugs And Addiction Today</a><br/>Whats your route to a life without drugs and addiction?</li>
<li><a href="http://www.myroutetohelp.co.uk/login/?action=register">AND REGISTER HERE!</a></li>
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<div><div id="mod_19677858"><h2>I was so pleased Ash agreed to share more more about himself, Thanks!</h2>
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<li>Ash, what is your favourite flavour of gum?</li>
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<p>Spearmint</p>
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<li>What do you want to tell us? (length is up to you)</li>
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<p>I am pretty sure you will find out everything through this interview <img src="http://s1.wp.com/wp-includes/images/smilies/icon_wink.gif?m=1129645325g" alt=";)" class="wp-smiley"/><br/>Beetles or Elvis?<br/>Elvis, my nana is a big Elvis fan</p>
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<li>What’s it like being Ash for one day? Take us through a typical day.</li>
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<p>Get up. Go in the shower, and go for the occasional run. If I am at work I’ll be there normally from 5pm till 9pm if not either pushing My Route To Help or playing pool with friends.</p>
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<li>What city and Country do you live in?</li>
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<p>Carlisle, England (9 miles from Scotland)</p>
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<li>What is your superpower?</li>
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<p>Energy. Always have energy to do things no matter how tired I am.</p>
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<li>Who would you say is a person you admire, and why? (dead or alive)</li>
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<p>Steven Gerrard. Liverpool FC Captain. He is motivational, a leader and never gives up. I hope to develop similar traits when I am older in my own career</p>
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<li>What are your current living arrangements and who may live there also?</li>
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<p>Live in a small 2 bedroom house with my parents</p>
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<li>What is your greatest passion and what is your favourite hobby?</li>
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<p>Greatest passion is football (soccer) watch it all the time no matter who is playing. Big love for the game. Favourite hobby is either fitness or website building.</p>
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<li>Favourite colour and author (you can use me LOL)</li>
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<p>Favourite colour is orange, I don’t have a favourite author. I tend to read auto-biographies</p>
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<li>What music do you like?</li>
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<p>I am into heavy metal music there is a lot more talent that goes into a group of 5 than one person who can just sing the same old pop songs.</p>
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<li>What age RANGE are you?</li>
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<p>21-30? Early stages of being a man!</p>
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<li>Do you have a career? What is it?</li>
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<p>Not at the moment, working in retail which I have done for 5 years now. Aspirations to join the Police in the UK as I have finished my university course in Policing.</p>
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<li>Do you consider yourself a workaholic? Or laid back?</li>
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<p>Laid back but ambitious. I work hard and I am dedicated but I am a very laid back person!<br/>How did you find the career I hope you like, or don’t like?</p>
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<li>What are the details surrounding the creation of MRTH?</li>
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<p><strong>I created MRTH as a project to do over the summer of 2011. It was going to be a blog about my experiences volunteering within the drug and alcohol services in the UK, which was a part of my university course. However it evolved. I started getting people contacting me to share their own stories which I allowed then I started looking for contributors which made the website grow even more. Because I come from a non addiction background its better for me to write about drugs themselves in technical terms but I have no knowledge of addiction hence why the sharing of stories and contributing helps the website go the extra mile.</strong></p>
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<li>How old is MRTH?</li>
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<p>It’s just over 13 months old now. Still in baby years for the website with over 82,000 page hits!<br/>How many articles to date have been written from readers and members?<br/>126 at present but this is growing and growing. 60 of them are by myself.</p>
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<li>Do you have a newsletter?</li>
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<p>No, I use Facebook/Twitter to contact fans and followers of the website.</p>
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<li>Where do you see MRTH headed?</li>
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<p><strong>I hope to see it being the best place to share stories of addiction to inspire others.</strong> Along with having valuable knowledge from contributors with experience or work within the addiction field.</p>
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<li>Are there any operative challenges right now, ie; admin, video, profile page with photo and befriend button? etc. or do you prefer to keep it simple?</li>
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<p>Prefer to keep it simple.</p>
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<li>Who conceptually started MRTH? Is MRTH reaching or offering help to everyone or rather anyone?</li>
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<p>Not so much of helping people but to <strong>educate</strong><strong>people</strong>. To understand the drugs they are taking. Understanding addiction and to gain motivation reading stories of peoples success stories.</p>
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<li>Who runs MRTH and maintains it? Is there more than one person?</li>
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<p>At the minute it is just me. More it grows I will be looking for people to help out when that time comes</p>
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<li>What, and this could be anything, with a magic wand would you have this site do?</li>
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<p>To make it the most hit drug addiction website in the world supplying knowledge to everyone.</p>
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<li>Who are your primary readers and what age and geographic are?</li>
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<p>At present its 18-30 year olds in the UK, USA and Canada mainly with 46% women and 54% male.</p>
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<li>Are your readers loyal, are there many?</li>
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<p>Very loyal, always come back to either submit more content or comment on new content by other people which is supportive. With over 415 likes on Facebook now and 1,500 followers on twitter is positive and hoping to grow in the future.</p>
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<li>Ash, please feel free to leave your members and readers with a message</li>
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<p><span>Thank you for the support over the past 13 months. It has grown because of your input, as small as sharing the website it is helping, which I am very grateful for.</span></p>
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</div>An Intimate Interview with a Recovering Alcoholictag:www.authors.com,2012-07-07:3798404:BlogPost:1402092012-07-07T04:04:53.000Zkimberly grayhttp://www.authors.com/profile/kimberlygray
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<div id="mod_14785889" class="module moduleText color0"><h2 class="subtitle">We'll call him Chris for anoymity puposes;</h2>
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<p>CHRIS, A RECOVERING ALCOHOLIC, whom I have been fortunate enough to interview.<br/><br/><strong>Story</strong>, his <strong>challenges</strong>, his <strong>consequences</strong> and <strong>struggles</strong>.<br/><br/>Only to be inspired by his hope, his faith, his strength, his ongoing commitment and recovery.<br/><br/>Thank you Chris for this candid interview and sharing your story. I have no doubt you will help many.<br/><br/>Let's Begin.</p>
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<div class="caption_half" id="img_desc_5147172">Section A; Personal Insight</div>
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<div class="modfloat full"><div id="mod_14785942" class="module moduleText color0"><div class="txtd" id="txtd_14785942"><p><strong>1- How old are you?</strong><br/><br/>43.<br/><br/><strong>2- Where were you born?</strong><br/><br/>Iowa City, Iowa<br/><br/><strong>3- Did you grow up there?</strong><br/><br/>No, I grew up in Winnipeg.<br/><br/><strong>4- Where do you live now? For how long?</strong><br/><br/>I live now in Toronto, I've been here for 25 years.<br/><br/><strong>5- Favorite Passion;</strong><br/><br/>Design and architecture. I’ve always been a visual person, I look for the beauty around me. Structures, objects, printed matter – it’s everywhere. I’m also passionate about the plight of those who are less fortunate, particularly people with mental illness.<br/><br/><strong>6- Favorite Books;</strong><br/><br/>I love reading fiction – murder mysteries, thrillers that sort of thing. My favorite author right now is Dean Koontz. He’s an amazing storyteller with a remarkable imagination. It’s a way for me to escape without getting drunk or high.<br/><br/><strong>7- Favorite Car;</strong><br/><br/>I would love to own a 6-series BMW. It’s the first thing I’d buy if I won the lottery.<br/><br/><strong>8- Favorite Place to visit?</strong><br/><br/>Rome is the most beautiful city I've visited, although I've also loved my trips to New York. Unfortunately I haven’t had the opportunity to go for quite a few years. My favorite place to visit in Toronto is the mezzanine level of the Royal York Hotel. It’s incredibly peaceful, they have these huge wing back chairs that look over the lobby. It’s a great place to sit with a coffee and people watch.<br/><br/><strong>9- Favorite Past Time;</strong><br/><br/>Reading.<br/><br/><strong>10- What would be the motto you live by?</strong><br/><br/>Keep it simple.<br/><br/><strong>11- Do you believe drugs should be legal?</strong><br/><br/>Yes. We’ll never stop people from using them, but by making them illegal we’re just putting money in the hands of criminals. (Just look at what happened with prohibition in the US in the 20’s). And let’s not forget how much money is wasted putting drug users through the justice system.</p>
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<div class="modfloat full"><div id="mod_14785957" class="module moduleText color0"><h2 class="subtitle">Your drunkalog history.......</h2>
<div class="txtd" id="txtd_14785957"><p><strong>12- Do you remember your first drink, how old were you?</strong><br/><br/>I remember my first drink vividly, I was 13 years old. I didn't get drunk that first time, but I felt the effect. I fell in love with it instantly.<br/><br/><strong>13- And if so, where and what was it?</strong><br/><br/>I was with some friends who were a few years older than I was. We were on a riverbank along the Red River in Winnipeg, they had a case of beer and offered me one.<br/><br/><strong>14- Can you tell us what happened with your drinking after that (ie;next drink, age, where etc)</strong><br/><br/>My drinking from that point on became something I planned for. First weekends (but usually only one night). When I moved away from home at 17 I started drinking several nights a week. By 20 I was drinking daily, I drank daily for 15 years and the quantities gradually increased.<br/><br/><strong>15- Were you aware at the time your behavior might have indicated you had a problem?</strong><br/><br/>I was probably 18 or 19 when I started worrying about my drinking. It ran in my family (my father is an alcoholic) and I knew a little about it.<br/><br/><strong>16- What were your thoughts?</strong><br/><br/>I didn’t want to quit. I enjoyed it too much, I loved the way it made me feel. And in many ways it completely defined me. Everything I did revolved around drinking. All of my friends drank like I did. I couldn’t imagine living without it, so I convinced myself that my drinking was ok, even though it was getting worse.<br/><br/><strong>17- What age and situation was your drinking obviously increasing?</strong><br/><br/>It really just steadily increased as the years went on. When I started drinking daily, I would buy a 6-pack of beer every night and drink it as quickly as I could (to get the maximum effect). After a while I switched to buying a mickey of vodka or gin every night. Then I started buying 26 ounce bottles, and then 40 ounce bottles. Drinking in the morning became ok (but only on the weekends of course!) And on, and on, and on…..<br/><br/><strong>18- Did anyone mention you might be drinking too much?</strong><br/><br/>When I was 18 or 19 I had a few people make some offhand remarks about my drinking. That’s when I started hiding it. Eventually my drinking switched over from drinking ‘socially’ with people to drinking alone. In the last 10 years of my drinking, 95% of it was done alone, with the blinds down, the phone off and the door locked. All I wanted to do was shut out the world and crawl into my bottle.<br/><br/><strong>19- Do you have any theories as to why your drinking was progressing?</strong><br/><br/>I knew from my father that alcoholism was progressive. Both from watching him before he got sober and from what he had told me. So I was acutely aware of the progression, but the knowledge alone didn’t help. I couldn’t do anything to stop it. So I guess I kind-of knew that it was getting worse because I was an alcoholic, but I didn’t really know why beyond that.<br/><br/><strong>20- Did you hide any of your drinking?</strong><br/><br/>I did everything I could to hide it. It wasn’t hard because I lived alone, I was extremely private, I was never in a relationship, I rarely invited anyone home, and I never, ever, ever spoke to anyone about it. I would go to work and then go back home to drink in private. As you can imagine, it was a lonely existence.<br/><br/><strong>21- Did you do drugs?</strong><br/><br/>I did for a while, but mostly as a substitute for drinking. When I was 18 or 19 I was worried about my drinking and I didn’t want to drink too much. So for a few months instead of getting drunk most nights, I would smoke hash or marijuana. The problem was I started getting very, very paranoid, and I couldn’t do anything when I was stoned. It just became very unpleasant. So I went back to my drug of choice – alcohol.<br/><br/><strong>22- Did you have drinking buddies and hangouts?</strong><br/><br/>I had a couple of drinking buddies, and a couple of bars that we would go to. It was only a once-a-week thing, and it was hardly social. The neighborhood bars we went to were empty, and we would play video games and barely talk to each other. And I was getting so self-conscious of my drinking that I would be careful not to get drunk with them. I’d hang out for a couple of hours just waiting until I could go home where I had a bottle of gin or vodka waiting and the real drinking could begin.<br/><br/><strong>23- Was your family concerned?</strong><br/><br/>I was single, no girlfriend, so I didn’t have anyone very close who would have seen how bad I was getting. My parents live in another city and I was always careful not to drink in front of them. I only saw my sister once or twice a year, so it may not have been very obvious for her either. I’m sure though, that in the last year or two they all must have been wondering about me. I’m sure they suspected something, but they never confronted me.<br/><br/><strong>24- Were you getting concerned?</strong><br/><br/>My concern grew over the years as my drinking progressed. But I lived with the delusion that I would be able to quit, on my own, when things got bad enough. And I kept changing my definition of what ‘bad enough’ was, so it was a long time until I realized that I truly couldn’t quit on my own.</p>
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<div class="modfloat full"><div id="mod_14786002" class="module moduleText color0"><h2 class="subtitle">THE PROGRESSION</h2>
<div class="txtd" id="txtd_14786002"><p><br/><strong>25- Tell us the progression of that point until your drinking took over your life.</strong><br/><br/>Looking back, I think I was powerless over alcohol from the moment I first felt its effect. In retrospect, I can see that the obsession to drink started right after that first drink when I was 13. But the drinking really took over when I started drinking alone every day.<br/><br/><strong>26- What was it like then and how old were you?</strong><br/><br/>I was 20 when that started. For a while I thought it was ok, I was unwinding after work. As it got worse it became very lonely, my health started to get worse and my life became incredibly empty.<br/><br/><strong>27- How many years did you drink with an excessive problem?</strong><br/><br/>Probably about 15 years.<br/><br/><strong>28- Were you able to keep your job?</strong><br/><br/>Yes, fortunately I did keep my job. I lucky, I work in a profession I really love and I've been quite successful. While I was drinking it was the only thing that gave me any self-esteem. Losing it would have devastated me.<br/><br/><strong>29- Did your employers notice or mention anything?</strong><br/><br/>They never mentioned anything and I don’t really know if they noticed anything or not. In the industry I work in, my office hours are fairly flexible. So coming in late or leaving early wasn't noticed all that much. I could always lie about somewhere I had to be. And there’s lots of drinking in my industry too. So no one really cared if I was hungover or not. As long as I delivered on my projects everything was fine. Of course that was getting harder and harder to do. Eventually I would have lost the job, I know that now.<br/><br/><strong>30- Does anyone in your family drink?</strong><br/><br/>My father was an alcoholic, and sober for 30 years.<br/><br/><strong>31- Tell us about how bad it got.</strong><br/><br/>All I could think about was drinking, and all I wanted to do was get drunk and pass out. The obsession was overwhelming. I did manage to keep my job, but I’m not really sure how. I was drinking so much every night that I would still be drunk the next morning. On weekends I drank around the clock.<br/><br/><strong>32- What was it like just before you quit?</strong><br/><br/>I started to vomit large amounts of blood. I had vomited some blood before, but not like this. I would be so sick it was impossible to eat or drink anything for days. So, not by choice, but simply because I couldn't, I detoxed at home on my couch. Sweating. Twitching. Having horrible nightmares. For days I would drift in and out of sleep. I knew that it was the direct result of the use and abuse of alcohol, and I knew I needed to quit. But as soon as I could eat a little something, as soon as I felt a little better, I thought to myself ‘maybe I should get a bottle to keep on the shelf, just in case’. And as soon as I had the bottle back home I was drinking again. I drank for 6 months after that first bout of blood. But I didn't want to drink. And I was frightened to death. It turned out that I had a couple of bad ulcers and I was hemorrhaging internally. It took that last 6 months for me to really understand just how deadly alcoholism is. I didn’t want to drink. And yet I couldn't stop.<br/><br/><strong>33- What made you quit?</strong><br/><br/>I had another couple of bad bouts of vomiting blood. And after the third one I just gave up. I finally surrendered. I was ready to ask for help, which I had said to myself I would never do. I don’t know what made the morning I surrendered any different the other mornings in the 6 months leading up to it. I don’t know why I've been able to stay sober for over 7 years when I've seen others come in and out of AA. But I suppose I don’t need to know why. I just keep praying every morning for help and guidance and every night I give thanks. Today I hang onto my sobriety with a death grip. It is, without a doubt the most important thing I have. And AA is the best thing that’s ever happened to me.</p>
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<div class="modfloat full"><div id="mod_14786095" class="module moduleText color0"><h2 class="subtitle">Recovery</h2>
<div class="txtd" id="txtd_14786095"><p><strong>34- How did you quit?</strong><br/><br/>I went to see an old friend of mine who had been sober for a while. He<br/>took me to my first AA meeting. I had known about AA for years because<br/>that was how my dad got sober. But I had avoided it because of my own<br/>misconceptions of it. I thought it had something to do with religion.<br/>It doesn't, and I grew to learn how spirituality is different from<br/>religion.<br/><br/><strong>35- Was it difficult and for how long?</strong></p>
<p><br/>The first 3 or 4 months were very difficult. I had horrible insomnia, I<br/>barely got any sleep, and some days I felt really awful. But at the same<br/>time I was extremely grateful to not be hungover every day, I was amazed<br/>that the days without drinking were adding up. I remember when I hit 2<br/>weeks sober. Two weeks! That was the longest I had been sober since I<br/>was 13. And I knew, from the others I met in AA that it would get<br/>better. <br/><br/><strong>36- Did your family and peers offer support?</strong></p>
<p><br/>They were all very supportive. I’m very lucky that way. <br/><br/><strong>37- What is AA like as a program, meaning how would you describe it to our</strong><br/><strong>viewers?</strong></p>
<p><br/>AA is a beautiful program. At first it was simply a safe place for me to<br/>go. I lived alone, and if I didn't have somewhere to go to fill my time<br/>I would have drank. So at first I went to a meeting almost every night.<br/>And I kept hearing people make the same suggestions to me: don’t drink,<br/>go to meetings, join a group, get a sponsor, get active in AA, pray if<br/>you can. I started going to closed discussion groups, where they<br/>discussed the 12 steps. (There are ‘closed’ meetings for alcoholics<br/>only, and ‘open’ meetings where anyone can attend). I got involved in<br/>AA, just volunteering to come early to make the coffee or set up the<br/>chairs; it gave me something to think about other than me and it gave me<br/>a reason to be at the meeting if I didn't feel like going. I started to<br/>get to know others in recovery. <br/><br/><strong>38- What do you do today to not drink?</strong><br/><br/>In the beginning I had to stay sober one day at a time, it was the only<br/>way I could do it. And I still do it like that today. Each morning I say<br/>a little prayer asking for help. I stay connected to AA, either by going<br/>to a meeting or by talking with another friend in recovery. And every<br/>night I say a prayer of thanks. <br/><br/><strong>39- How long has it been since you had a drink?</strong><br/>10 years today actually. It amazes me to think about it.<br/><br/><strong>40- What do you attribute most of this to?</strong><br/><br/>Without a doubt Alcoholics Anonymous. It has kept me sober and grounded<br/>and it has introduced me to a higher power. Most days I am at peace, and<br/>quite content. But AA only gave me the tools to sobriety, I had to pick<br/>them up and use them. Going to meetings, doing my best at working the<br/>steps, working with other alcoholics – either individually or though AA<br/>service work. An old-timer I know has a great saying it: instead of<br/>thinking our way to better actions, we act our way into better thinking.<br/>And that’s absolutely true.</p>
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<div id="mod_14786048" class="module moduleText color0"><div class="txtd" id="txtd_14786048"><p><strong>Chris, if you could give one piece of advise to the alcoholic who is still suffering, what would it be?</strong><br/><br/>You don’t have to live like that anymore. There is a way out, and you're not alone.</p>
<p><strong>Chris thank you and from those who are grateful, yet unable to still. Happy 10 years and you are a great strength within this community</strong></p>
<p>ODAAT</p>
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<div id="mod_14786204" class="module moduleText color0"><div class="txtd" id="txtd_14786204"><p>ONE DAY AT A TIME<br/>Chris,<br/><br/>You have come so far in your Recovery and your Sobriety speaks for itself. You have inspired me and reminded me the importance of being involved in the program as well as keeping it simple. And recovery is a 24 hour commitment, one day at a time. I wish only the best for you and pray that even one alcoholic (or addict) still suffering, reads this and feels more comfortable and hopeful about seeking help.<br/><br/>You are an inspiration and very kind person to share your story with us, and I thank you, as do many other. It's unfortunate we don't get to see the ones we touch. But you can see me and as usual, you have touched me.<br/><br/>Bless,<br/><br/><br/></p>
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<div class="modfloat full"><div id="mod_14786222" class="module moduleLink color1"><h2 class="subtitle">Helpful links-use them!</h2>
<ul>
<li><a href="http://www.aa.org/">Alcoholics Anonymous :</a></li>
<li><a href="http://dearaddict.hubpages.com/hub/Cocaine-Anonymous">Cocaine Anonymous</a><br/>Cocaine Anonymous, a 12 step meeting-Hope, Strength and Courage. Welcome. I understand some of us have or had a cocaine problem or addiction and are unable or need to stay stopped. I also understand...</li>
<li><a href="http://japtaker.hubpages.com/hub/Alcoholics-Anonymous-Criticisms-Critique-of-Pros-and-Cons-part-two">Alcoholics Anonymous Benefits - Critique of Pros and...</a><br/>For all my criticism of the disease model of addiction and the twelve step programs, I think the strengths of these programs outweigh their weaknesses, at least for the right people. For perhaps no other...</li>
<li><a href="http://cyclrmom.hubpages.com/hub/Al-Anon-a-part-of-Alcoholics-AnonymousWhat-it-does-and-how-helpful-for-wives-and-children-of-alcoholics_">Al Anon,a part of Alcoholics Anonymous.What it does ...</a><br/>Al-anon is a meeting for famiiies and friends of alcoholics. I answered this hub question for a female who asks from her own perspective, making the assumption that it is usually the 'male' who is the...</li>
<li><a href="http://mightymom.hubpages.com/hub/10-Tips-For-Living-Drug--Alcohol-And-Smoke-Free">10 Tips for Living Drug, Alcohol, Smoke Free</a><br/>Are drugs, alcohol or cigarettes ruling your life? Have you tried quitting only to pick back up again -- even though you really, really want to stop? A healthier life awaits you. You can do it -- I promise!...</li>
<li><a href="http://happydestiny.hubpages.com/hub/Alcoholics-Anonymously-Yours">Alcoholics: Anonymously Yours</a><br/>We all know the scenario: a room full of people. Someone stands up, or approaches a podium, or raises a hand and says</li>
<li><a href="http://annrandolph.hubpages.com/hub/Interview-with-an-Alcoholics-Anonymous-Member">Interview with an Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) Member</a><br/>When I went back to college as an adult I took a class called</li>
<li><a href="http://maven101.hubpages.com/hub/An-American-Tragedy">An American Tragedy: Crack-cocaine in our schools.</a><br/>Crack paraphernalia manufactured crack According to Bureau of Justice Statistics, on an average day in America 14 youths will commit suicide, 19 will be murdered, 2,600 will drop out of school, 15,006 ( that's...</li>
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</div>Magic is Freetag:www.authors.com,2012-06-22:3798404:BlogPost:1382972012-06-22T01:58:08.000Zkimberly grayhttp://www.authors.com/profile/kimberlygray
<div class="module moduleText color0" id="mod_16661901"><div class="txtd" id="txtd_16661901"><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: #333333;"> </span></p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: #333333;">Magic is free</span></p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: #333333;">I am sure I can taste what a prose could be</span></p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: #333333;">Seems anything a dreamer dreams it to be…</span></p>
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<div id="mod_16661901" class="module moduleText color0"><div class="txtd" id="txtd_16661901"><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: #333333;"> </span></p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: #333333;">Magic is free</span></p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: #333333;">I am sure I can taste what a prose could be</span></p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: #333333;">Seems anything a dreamer dreams it to be</span></p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: #333333;">Such beauty I read in pain</span></p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: #333333;">Such inspiration I discover in vain</span></p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: #333333;">Magic is free</span></p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: #333333;">Do you believe?</span></p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: #333333;">You must commit</span></p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: #333333;">Or live without imagination</span></p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: #333333;">Lock up your child side</span></p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: #333333;">And live knowing everything</span></p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: #333333;">Has a price tag to it</span></p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: #333333;">What is my point?</span></p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: #333333;">I point at you</span></p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: #333333;">If just once I could wave my wand</span></p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: #333333;">To give all of you hope</span></p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: #333333;">To share my need inside that breeds</span></p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: #333333;">Which must be maintained</span></p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: #333333;">Through forgiveness</span></p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: #333333;">And yellow marshmallows</span></p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: #333333;">Simple see you already know</span></p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: #333333;">If all we ever did do</span></p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: #333333;">We could change our abyss</span></p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: #333333;">With sincerely of being nice to one another</span></p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: #333333;">I will not respond to logic</span></p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: #333333;">But will respond to magical efforts</span></p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: #333333;">Regardless of size</span></p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: #333333;">Size I disregard</span></p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: #333333;">Critical to remember we do not own time</span></p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: #333333;">I know I am not of special status</span></p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: #333333;">Yet status and undefined character is special</span></p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: #333333;">Pussy willows help also to expose my child</span></p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: #333333;">I process things in my mind</span></p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: #333333;">Like film before it is developed</span></p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: #333333;">I care so little of my labels</span></p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: #333333;">But wish to mend yours</span></p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: #333333;">I am unaware of your pain at this moment</span></p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: #333333;">Then I shall assume nothing but complexity</span></p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: #333333;">Our magic awaits a master, a leader</span></p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: #333333;">But can only breath with passion and desire</span></p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: #333333;">Patti cake Patti cake bakers man</span></p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: #333333;">Will you help the most you can?</span></p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: #333333;">Patti cake Patti cake bakers man</span></p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: #333333;">Open magic and touch who you can</span></p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: #333333;">Patti cake Patti cake, your magic awakes</span></p>
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<div id="mod_16662157" class="module moduleText color0" style="text-align: center;"><div class="txtd" id="txtd_16662157"><p><span style="color: #333333;">Do you have to define differences between magic and miracle?</span></p>
<p><span style="color: #333333;">Can you let the cards fall where the must?</span></p>
<p><span style="color: #333333;">Do you recognize magic and even seeing it</span></p>
<p><span style="color: #333333;">Do you embrace it?</span></p>
<p><span style="color: #333333;">Is it a trick or illusion</span></p>
<p><span style="color: #333333;">Could there be forms of reality</span></p>
<p><span style="color: #333333;">We may be to fearful to embrace?</span></p>
<p><span style="color: #333333;">I ask you only from my own child</span></p>
<p><span style="color: #333333;">Do we create magic or can it be self reliant</span></p>
<p><span style="color: #333333;">Is magic defined by the importance of it's stratey?</span></p>
<p><span style="color: #333333;">Maybe it's shock value</span></p>
<p><span style="color: #333333;">A child starves to death</span></p>
<p><span style="color: #333333;">magic or miracle?</span></p>
<p><span style="color: #333333;">A child lives</span></p>
<p><span style="color: #333333;">Miracle or magic?</span></p>
<p><span style="color: #333333;">Must I define and categorize everything two 2 only explanations?</span></p>
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<div id="mod_16662155" class="module moduleText color0"><div class="txtd" id="txtd_16662155"><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: #333333;">Imaging a world now, where I choose to reside</span></p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: #333333;">Aware of power and magic</span></p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: #333333;">Operating as second nature</span></p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: #333333;">If you live through all the pain</span></p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: #333333;">You will be gifted with this inspiration</span></p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: #333333;">You mock me but read</span></p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: #333333;">Why the secret when we all got made the same?</span></p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: #333333;">There are buckets of melting snow in the garage</span></p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: #333333;">Are you a remedy?</span></p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: #333333;">Collapse the facade and release your magic</span></p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: #333333;">I have and am no longer bitter, just better</span></p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: #333333;">I hate repetitive explanations just as here</span></p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: #333333;">If you will not be open to a dimension of magic</span></p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: #333333;">You shall never grow, reveal nor change</span></p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: #333333;">Your words of methods show</span></p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: #333333;">scepticism doesn't last long they say</span></p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: #333333;">It will come out of you if you give it time</span></p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: #333333;">Your still asleep and that's okay</span></p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: #333333;">your just accumulating more magic</span></p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: #333333;">The strongest magic of all</span></p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: #333333;">To ammend past judgements</span></p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: #333333;">and forgive ones received</span></p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: #333333;">magic</span></p>
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</div>Intentionallytag:www.authors.com,2012-06-15:3798404:BlogPost:1380462012-06-15T08:29:34.000Zkimberly grayhttp://www.authors.com/profile/kimberlygray
<p><a href="http://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/1561443699?profile=original" target="_self"><img class="align-full" src="http://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/1561443699?profile=original" width="260"></img></a> Intentionally relying on intentions</p>
<p>Remember intention relies on chance, not you</p>
<p>Addictive personality has driven me here</p>
<p>Wait, no, pause, right, straight, there</p>
<p>Warped perceptions are poisonous</p>
<p>Not much different in our lives</p>
<p>Just completely different in our realities</p>
<p>Different isn't always bad, I say</p>
<p>I am not saintly…</p>
<p><a href="http://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/1561443699?profile=original" target="_self"><img src="http://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/1561443699?profile=original" width="260" class="align-full"/></a>Intentionally relying on intentions</p>
<p>Remember intention relies on chance, not you</p>
<p>Addictive personality has driven me here</p>
<p>Wait, no, pause, right, straight, there</p>
<p>Warped perceptions are poisonous</p>
<p>Not much different in our lives</p>
<p>Just completely different in our realities</p>
<p>Different isn't always bad, I say</p>
<p>I am not saintly just seen this before</p>
<p>And now I want my money back</p>
<p>At least I have a sophisticated emptiness</p>
<p>One with a mid-aged Valiums shuffle</p>
<p>I watch the new depressed mom walk her infant</p>
<p>Wondering if she’s shy or just ignorant</p>
<p>Again here we go</p>
<p>Butterflies landing to rest on my privates</p>
<p>Too delicate to swat or squish away</p>
<p>Onlookers whispering the obvious</p>
<p>Why must everyone have intentions?</p>
<p>Maybe today mine will be to swat away</p>
<p>Swat beauty and grace like those cops did to me</p>
<p>All with utility belts and no clothing</p>
<p>Just color-coded jock straps</p>
<p>According to, and yes, intentions</p>
<p>At least well mannered while vulnerable</p>
<p>Our youth skip by in plastic sandals</p>
<p>Where toe tags tattoo their upcoming T.O.D.</p>
<p>I closed my laptop so sick and tired</p>
<p>Of Betty Boo avatars and rested to people watch</p>
<p>I thought of those avatars I've grown to love</p>
<p>Yet intentionally they will inevitably just disappear</p>
<p>I was already uneasy just coming from my dentist</p>
<p>Who has much pride in being an amateur porn star?</p>
<p>Intentionally I avoid as much mouth contact</p>
<p>As possible during our appointment scheduled affairs</p>
<p>As I walked into the restaurant, lunch was being served</p>
<p>Same old cliche, smoking or are you fun?</p>
<p>I am now so outnumbered I dare not say the truth</p>
<p>It never used to bother me, but now is my exit plan</p>
<p>Well my intentions are right here where I stand</p>
<p>No I not care for those who not follow the rules of debate</p>
<p>Anyways I had just enough coins to launder my turtle</p>
<p>That included soap and good intentions, the spin cycle, well….</p>
<p>Can you believe my tongue is still blue from lunch sausage?</p>
<p>I wonder, if you could give it all up, what would you do?</p>
<p>I have not motivations, only intentions</p>
<p>To buy into your lies here</p>
<p>Do I need a reason? Who you are or what you are?</p>
<p>My essence reads here, now, in this moment, why?</p>
<p>Because bloodshed for the first time was not enough</p>
<p>I want magical qualities called talent</p>
<p>I must provoke myself to be absurd and relevant</p>
<p>Challenge all rules and seek what’s in it for me</p>
<p>Is it that we are or what we do?</p>
<p>Influenced by the challenges of our time</p>
<p>Plays out inherently to our own song</p>
<p>In all emotions I feel my own intentions feeding</p>
<p>But my emotions are a matrix of thoughts from instinct</p>
<p>Intentionally relying on intentions</p>
<p>This is my war and your fatalities but I now know</p>
<p>Someone knew things would turn out this way</p>
<p>For intentions Define whom I am, and what I do</p>
<p>Am I a metaphor talking like a child? Making cross connections</p>
<p>Your inspiration cocoons intention</p>
<p>Inventing my own universe, Galaxies much to big</p>
<p>Let’s make an experiment and bring it to life</p>
<p>The only actions held sacred hold one’s with intention</p>
<p>Camera specs offer variations of intentions</p>
<p>Yet all truth is in every doubt, and this my friend</p>
<p>Tis what intentions are all about</p>
<p>Intentions relying intentionally I suppose</p>Fearstag:www.authors.com,2012-06-14:3798404:BlogPost:1374172012-06-14T19:22:33.000Zkimberly grayhttp://www.authors.com/profile/kimberlygray
<h4>You know what really scares me</h4>
<h4>Still now at the age of forty one</h4>
<h4>Is being all alone and unable to see</h4>
<h4>There’snowhere leftto go, nowhere left to run</h4>
<h4>You know what I am afraid to feel</h4>
<h4>Is sickness, or any form of pain</h4>
<h4>Aging is a process, a part of the deal</h4>
<h4>But what if the first to go is my memory, my brain</h4>
<h4>You know what I don’t want to lose</h4>
<h4>The chance to amend many a wrong</h4>
<h4>To die without sharing, thoughts…</h4>
<h4>You know what really scares me</h4>
<h4>Still now at the age of forty one</h4>
<h4>Is being all alone and unable to see</h4>
<h4>There’snowhere leftto go, nowhere left to run</h4>
<h4>You know what I am afraid to feel</h4>
<h4>Is sickness, or any form of pain</h4>
<h4>Aging is a process, a part of the deal</h4>
<h4>But what if the first to go is my memory, my brain</h4>
<h4>You know what I don’t want to lose</h4>
<h4>The chance to amend many a wrong</h4>
<h4>To die without sharing, thoughts I’ve used</h4>
<h4>To share regret, to honestly be strong</h4>
<h4>You know what I worry about</h4>
<h4>Never knowing what it’s like to live clean</h4>
<h4>Even for one week, without any doubt</h4>
<h4>Willing with the desire, as part of their team</h4>
<h4>You know what I don’t want to have to do</h4>
<h4>Is stand in mourning over someone I care</h4>
<h4>To have to accept the loss of more than a few</h4>
<h4>More death seen to early, or tragically unfair</h4>
<h4>You know what I can’t handle not seeing</h4>
<h4>My own little dream, and I’m running out of time</h4>
<h4>To give my heart, which belongs to all their being</h4>
<h4>And show them as always, they have been truly mine</h4>
<h4>You know what I was shown Thursday</h4>
<h4>How true loss really and deeply feels</h4>
<h4>To cry so hard breathing hardly could I keep</h4>
<h4>Where denial is the only way to deal</h4>
<h4>Fears, part of the deal, so I am learning</h4>
<p></p>
<p><a href="http://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/1561442333?profile=original" target="_self"><img src="http://storage.ning.com/topology/rest/1.0/file/get/1561442333?profile=original" width="150" class="align-full"/></a></p>Your Halo has no egotag:www.authors.com,2012-06-13:3798404:BlogPost:1374712012-06-13T04:17:51.000Zkimberly grayhttp://www.authors.com/profile/kimberlygray
<p style="text-align: center;"><strong>Your ego has no halo</strong></p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><strong><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;"> </span></strong></p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><strong><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;">Why when you get laid do I get screwed?</span></strong></p>
<p style="text-align: center;">And your always dressed, while I blush nude</p>
<p style="text-align: center;">Newsflash, Your ego has no…</p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><strong>Your ego has no halo</strong></p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><strong><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;"> </span></strong></p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><strong><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;">Why when you get laid do I get screwed?</span></strong></p>
<p style="text-align: center;">And your always dressed, while I blush nude</p>
<p style="text-align: center;">Newsflash, Your ego has no halo</p>
<p style="text-align: center;">Her friends are all men</p>
<p style="text-align: center;">Seems again and again</p>
<p style="text-align: center;">No key to their vault</p>
<p style="text-align: center;">It just wasn’t her fault</p>
<p style="text-align: center;">She was too needy</p>
<p style="text-align: center;">Cared not for those greedy</p>
<p style="text-align: center;">Aced crossword Puzzles</p>
<p style="text-align: center;">With inked letter bubbles</p>
<p style="text-align: center;">Angels accept cash</p>
<p style="text-align: center;">Shorter lines do get fast</p>
<p style="text-align: center;">True colors seem dull</p>
<p style="text-align: center;">Staring at stilled seagulls</p>
<p style="text-align: center;">She does not exist</p>
<p style="text-align: center;">Or so she’ll still insist</p>
<p style="text-align: center;">Scene selections read</p>
<p style="text-align: center;">While union jobs are dead</p>
<p style="text-align: center;">Magic Wand hard core</p>
<p style="text-align: center;">The one tool she adored</p>
<p style="text-align: center;">Her hands are tied tight</p>
<p style="text-align: center;">She refuses to fight</p>
<p style="text-align: center;">A chuckle to laugh</p>
<p style="text-align: center;">Cheeky smirks just in half</p>
<p style="text-align: center;">I’m headed somewhere</p>
<p style="text-align: center;">From here and everywhere</p>
<p style="text-align: center;">Dragonflies in seas</p>
<p style="text-align: center;">Firefly bumblebees</p>
<p style="text-align: center;">Reader Discretion</p>
<p style="text-align: center;">Advised to perfection</p>
<p style="text-align: center;">She a puppeteer</p>
<p style="text-align: center;">Strings were her biggest fear</p>
<p style="text-align: center;">Manipulated</p>
<p style="text-align: center;">From means she created</p>
<p style="text-align: center;">She directs Opal</p>
<p style="text-align: center;">Three toys in total</p>
<p style="text-align: center;">They may not be real</p>
<p style="text-align: center;">But she knows that they feel</p>
<p style="text-align: center;">Wood and fake faces</p>
<p style="text-align: center;">Drunk and so wasted</p>
<p style="text-align: center;">String master unseen</p>
<p style="text-align: center;">Talents seemingly obscene</p>
<p style="text-align: center;">The insanity</p>
<p style="text-align: center;">Professional vanity</p>
<p style="text-align: center;">After a while past</p>
<p style="text-align: center;">Time turned quick and fast</p>
<p style="text-align: center;">Remaining unseen</p>
<p style="text-align: center;">She then could twirl her dream</p>
<p style="text-align: center;">Puppets and not dolls</p>
<p style="text-align: center;">Sculptures not stupid balls</p>
<p style="text-align: center;">It’s the innocent</p>
<p style="text-align: center;">That want us to invent</p>
<p style="text-align: center;">Sick really sick</p>
<p style="text-align: center;">These wooden sticks</p>
<p style="text-align: center;">Varnished and painted</p>
<p style="text-align: center;">Cracked and sainted</p>
<p style="text-align: center;">Trust me lay low</p>
<p style="text-align: center;">Cause your ego got no halo</p>
<p style="text-align: center;">You fool your halo has the ego</p>Droplettag:www.authors.com,2012-06-13:3798404:BlogPost:1373792012-06-13T00:51:14.000Zkimberly grayhttp://www.authors.com/profile/kimberlygray
<p></p>
<p>From book at<a href="http://www.amazon.com/kimberly/e/B0083080EM/ref=ntt_athr_dp_pel_2" target="_blank">amazon</a> or <a href="https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/125117" target="_blank">smashgoods</a>;</p>
<p>book; </p>
<p>unnecessary poetry</p>
<p></p>
<p style="text-align: center;">Droplet</p>
<p style="text-align: center;"></p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><br></br>and so,<br></br><br></br>she refused to ponder<br></br><br></br>why she was dry<br></br><br></br>when water poured from the sky<br></br><br></br>and…</p>
<p></p>
<p>From book at<a href="http://www.amazon.com/kimberly/e/B0083080EM/ref=ntt_athr_dp_pel_2" target="_blank">amazon</a> or <a href="https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/125117" target="_blank">smashgoods</a>;</p>
<p>book; </p>
<p>unnecessary poetry</p>
<p></p>
<p style="text-align: center;">Droplet</p>
<p style="text-align: center;"></p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><br/>and so,<br/><br/>she refused to ponder<br/><br/>why she was dry<br/><br/>when water poured from the sky<br/><br/>and lizards scattered for cover<br/><br/>she could not be penetrated<br/><br/>not even by nature<br/><br/>and so she walked with her cane<br/><br/>both hips out of joint<br/><br/>while smoking a menthol<br/><br/>never a worry to be different<br/><br/>bruised ankles and a slippery umbrella handle<br/><br/>kept her mind working<br/><br/>read into that all that you will<br/><br/>she minds not of your opinion<br/><br/>one single droplet<br/><br/>found on pavement<br/><br/>had her mesmerized<br/><br/>wanting to squish it<br/><br/>but could not bend forward<br/><br/>or tumble she would<br/><br/>ugly she truly was<br/><br/>to the degree of scary<br/><br/>side note of an information tidbit<br/><br/>huffed then and proceeded to limp<br/><br/>the garden was wet but still not she<br/><br/>cactus were buried amongst the arrangement<br/><br/>all rooted for future growth<br/><br/>yet many dead, pedals brown<br/><br/>when all should be sketched<br/><br/>charcoal stones dirty from bugs<br/><br/>earths dirt seemingly the cleanest element<br/><br/>must rectify these dead beings<br/><br/>able and ready having not able to get wet<br/><br/>not work but an act of bravery<br/><br/>hips screaming she still persevered<br/><br/>finishing her sculpture of nature by early afternoon<br/><br/>she moved forward to strut her journey<br/><br/>head facing down<br/><br/>no sign of happiness even when she tried<br/><br/>she bitched and moaned<br/><br/>how hard done by was she<br/><br/>not liked by a soul<br/><br/>she loved no one<br/><br/>adored herself<br/><br/>spoke rudely to agitate<br/><br/>yelled at younglings<br/><br/>kicked stray cats<br/><br/>with the power to know<br/><br/>just how to disappear<br/><br/>timing was critical all the time<br/><br/>allow her the space<br/><br/>she will steal it all<br/><br/>listened to everything<br/><br/>so ammunition was ripe<br/><br/>tasted her bad breath with delight<br/><br/>hairy chin as the elderly sport<br/><br/>careless of appearance to delight<br/><br/>seeking refuge in her plastic bags<br/><br/>the cart that stored them was faulty<br/><br/>one wheel flat, another wobbly<br/><br/>held exactly what she needed in life<br/><br/>her skin was plastic<br/><br/>made of colors<br/><br/>torn and stretched<br/><br/>to encase her life<br/><br/>protect her assets<br/><br/>coffin her rubbish<br/><br/>maybe she tasted bitter<br/><br/>maybe not<br/><br/>but onlookers swear she took her shots<br/><br/>hot to rumble anyone<br/><br/>like fried eggs, her center was soft<br/><br/>she led on to new passengers<br/><br/>smoked a pack a day<br/><br/>with black tea stained teeth to prove it<br/><br/>she smiled often to gross someone out<br/><br/>snickered at their reaction<br/><br/>her cart was having a trial<br/><br/>mechanic she was perfection<br/><br/>the cart would soon skateboard again<br/><br/>determined at any thought she lived<br/><br/>every now and again she could be spotted<br/><br/>gluing her shoes to keep her soul<br/><br/>who judge her, how long did she live<br/><br/>those types are delicately snobby<br/><br/>still the water dropped from the sky<br/><br/>yet not touching her one drop<br/><br/>maybe magic held this old woman<br/><br/>maybe fluke attacks to her being<br/><br/>pages of coupons lying to herself<br/><br/>where there is no money one must pretend<br/><br/>seeking refuge in handouts that begged<br/><br/>sought-after compassion to spite her demeanour<br/><br/>kill them she thought at 1st and offering<br/><br/>one that would save her for the next hour<br/><br/>giraffes slowly walk by this rainy day<br/><br/>birds were hiding in towering trees<br/><br/>worms were not afraid<br/><br/>it was them that had to be eaten<br/><br/>to survive the war on water<br/><br/>she left her life a while ago<br/><br/>now just functioning as she must<br/><br/>proud of her anger she moved forward<br/><br/>ate her worms and fixed her cart<br/><br/>in her matrix she was immortal<br/><br/>meeting for nothing<br/><br/>despising the people<br/><br/>even animals large and small<br/><br/>make no apologies<br/><br/>and found herself thirsty<br/><br/>raised her face towards the sky<br/><br/>opened her mouth<br/><br/>it took more than 1 droplet<br/><br/>refreshed she smiled blackening teeth<br/><br/>and turned to stare at a stranger</p>