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I am struggling to do just that. Sometimes it is very frustrating not to be able to put your imagination and creativity into full action, just the way you wanted it to be exactly. I used to say to myself that mankind should invent a unique machine whereby it captured your powerful imagination and creativity on the spot, no need of acting the stuffs. Is it possible? I
I have just joined authors.com and looking forwards to it. I have writing a lot of movies and TV series both in Africa and beyond for quite long and now I am struggling to come out. I have got my own library full of all sorts of stuffs. Unfortunately my brain was shattered one year later after I started writing and it explained why I have problem writing my stuffs. I need help to come out. This is one of my stories, Cross fire yet to be published. It has more than 200pages and I would love to hear from you regarding it.
Created and written
By David Kilama
Entebbe August, Sept 2011
Davis Afro Hollywood productions limited
Alan is at the campus. He is a well behaved boy who is dearly loved by his parents especially his mother Trisha since he is only their child. Her father is Mike. He gets involved with Bridget a girl who is also at the campus. He later falls madly in love with her, decided to marry her and spend the rest of his life with her later he finds out that she is not good enough to marry her though Bridget’s mother Patricia likes him so much and dying for her daughter to get married to him.
Bridget is a spoiled girl who learned to love Alan. She gets involved with a bad group of four boys Andrew, Bob, Jack and Sam. Her best friend Maggie who is also one of the bad guys spoils Bridget. They are involved in drug business, robbery etc. Alan later becomes suspicious of his girl friend could be misbehaving and this lead to clashes between them.
Bridget’s parents are James and Patricia. The family is well off but her parents always have problems, quarrel. This is normally caused by lack of trust between themselves with each other suspicious of each other being unfaithful. Her mother runs a boutique. The husband is a business man too who runs his company.
Bridget has a sister Sarah who is a good girl well behaved. She hates the sister life style and always confronting her to change her bad ways of living causing problems between them. The two are the only children of their parents.
Patricia loves Bridget a lot and always supporting her ignoring her bad manner, behavior. She dislikes her daughter Sarah and always mistreating her. This is as a result of what happened to her at the time of delivering her baby. She had serious complication which nearly cost her life. Sarah suffers in the hands of her mother and sister and always finds comfort with her best friend Pamela who cares about her a great deal.
Another friend of Bridget is Natasha who is also at the campus. Natasha lives with her brother Fred their family used to be rich in the past. One day the family is killed by the armed robbers, the two survived and their brother Sam is missing thought dead. They become poor and suffering. Fred has to quit schooling in order to finance the study of his sister.
One of the bad guys Sam becomes interested in Natasha and uses Bridget to get her. Natasha is pretty much against getting involved in the relationship. She wants to wait until she completed her studies and then get a serious man who will become her future husband. One day Sam tries to rape Natasha, Bridget comes along and rescues her at the last moment. Natasha and Bridget get involved in the intimate relationship.
Fred and Natasha later find out that Sam is their lost brother been longing to reunite with. The two are happy to see him, convincing him to stop being an armed robber. He finds it difficult to quit. His colleagues also intimidated and threatened to harm him and his family once he decided to turn his back on them. He is caught between his family and his fellow armed robbers.
Bridget gets involved with one of the bad guys Bob who used to make love to her. Bob later picks interest in Maggie who turns him down. One day he rapes Maggie from her rented place. It p***** her off and wants him dead. Bridget convinces her to spare his life for her sake. After sometimes he tries to rape her again from Maggie’s place this time she shot him dead. She and Maggie put the body in the boot of the car and later burn it.
Patricia continued becoming suspicious of her husband James being unfaithful. One day she finds out that she is cheating on her with Tina who is divorced. It creates even more problems between them threatening to divorce her husband. Bridget takes the law into her hands by using her girl friend Maggie to kill Tina in the present of James. The death of Tine devastated him.
After the death of Tina, James gets involved with his personal secretary Norah who ends up becoming pregnant for him. The two have plan of getting married once James is done with his divorce.
The gate keeper of Sarah’s place is John. He and Sarah get along well unlike Bridget who doesn’t like him. He lives at the gate and always enjoys listening to his small radio.
Sarah likes Alan and they get a long so well. She later realizes that she is beginning to fall in love with him. Alan goes through the same thing.
One day Bridget and her fellow robbers fight the police after them. Jack and Andrew are shot dead. Sam is among them. He continues being an armed robber and deceiving his family. He is shot while running from the police, bleeds until he collapses among the trees and continues bleeding while regretting it that he should have listened to his sister Natasha to forget about it.
Bridget is captured and imprisoned for many months. Her girl friend Maggie shot taken to the hospital where she slips into coma. During the time Bridget is in prison, Sarah and Alan become even heavily involved in their relationship. By then Bridget has been trailed, found guilty and sentenced to death.
Maggie later wakes out of coma and pretends to be suffering from memory lost. She convinces Doctor Henry to deceive everybody with the promise of giving him a lot of money as a reward. One day she escapes from the hospital being guarded by the police. She kidnaps the wife of the police boss Denis who is in charge of CID investigation to bring down the criminals assigning Martin and Joel to take lead in the investigation. By then Maggie had assassinated Martin and Joel during the cross fire. Maggie orders the police boss Denis to release her girl friend Bridget at once or else she is going to burn them alive. He has no choice but to comply not knowing that he has signed his death certificate. At the meeting point, she shot him dead, burns Denis’s wife alive and leaves with Bridget.
When Sarah and Alan find out about Bridget’s escape, Sarah who is pregnant by then, Alan, his parents and Pamela flee out of the country to USA where Alan’s aunt Denise lives with her family.
Maggie and Bridget decided to leave the country to start a new life. The car tyre burst as Maggie is driving it in the speed, leaves the road and she struggles to avoid dying. Bridget cries feeling of the worst unlike Maggie who is too determined to prevent the worst from happening.
The movie starts from Alan’s place. It is afternoon Alan is having a good time with his girl friend Bridget. The two are sitting on the edge of the bed, in his arms and having a drink on the bedside table. The cool slow music is entertaining them. He is too busy kissing her.
Bridget: Baby, today you are enjoying my lips a great deal.
Alan: Honey, they are so sweet.
Bridget: Like honey?
Alan: More than that.
Bridget: Which mean you are totally crazy about them?
He starts kissing her again and tells her how much he loves her, means to her. On the other hand her bad group Andrew, Bob, Sam, Jack and Maggie are in the ghetto in the big house under construction planning a robbery mission. Maggie is smoking the bad stuff.
Bridget takes her eyes off him, looks at their drink with a smile on her face.
Alan: Darling, it seems you are missing it.
Bridget: Baby, you are totally right.
Alan gets hold of her glass with his right hand and starts feeding her with it. He watches her with a smile on his face and sometimes kisses her.
Bridget: Baby, what about your mom?
Alan: She came home briefly and had left for work.
Bridget: Which mean we have the entire house to ourselves?
Alan: Sweet heart, just the two of us.
Bridget: We have to make the most out of it.
Bridget: Baby, I am already starving.
Alan: I will take pretty good care of it.
Bridget: Sweetie, I just love the way you do your thing in bed.
He starts kissing her again.
The bad guys continued with the preparation to leave for the mission. The boys are armed with AK47S. Maggie and Bridget always preferred to use a pistol.
Bob: We are about to leave and your girl friend is out of reached.
Maggie: She is probably having a great time with her boy friend Alan.
Bob: She has to spend more time with us. Why don’t you try calling her again?
Maggie: Her cell phone is switched off.
Bob: You go a head and try it. You never know.
Bridget: Baby, you complete the stuff and put it back.
He looks at the glass with a smile on his face, empties it and put it back. He holds her tightly.
Bridget: Baby, It is time to enjoy ourselves to the fullest.
Alan: Let us get on with it.
The two are wasting no time. Maggie is trying to reach her in vain, informs her group about it.
Andrew: We have to leave. Time is running out. We must do everything possible in our power to get out hands on the money. (Their boss)
Bob: Boss, this mission is a great success; I can already smell the money.
They continued talking of it for a while leave in their car Sam is the one driving it.
At Bridget’s place
Sarah is chatting with the gate keeper John at the gate. They are standing. His small radio is on, in his room. Sarah is waiting for her girl friend Pamela to come along and they watch some movies.
John: Your girl friend is taking long to get here.
Sarah: I am sure she is about to arrive. I am pretty damn sure of it.
John: You can’t wait to see her.
Sarah: I miss her so much. I always do. We get a long just fine.
She continued talking of it with a beautiful smile on her face. Her cell phone in the pocket of her skirt starts ringing.
Sarah: That might be her.
She pulls it out with her left hand.
Sarah: She is the one. Honey, where have you reached?
Pamela: I am about to get to your place.
Sarah: You tell the boda man to hurry up.
Pamela: I have been telling him about it.
She talks to the boda man who is wearing the helmet. He turns his head and looks at her.
‘My girl friend is saying that you should hurry up because she is practically dying to see me.’
‘Don’t you worry about it.’
He turns his head back and carries on.
Pamela: Baby, I see you pretty soon.
Sarah: You find me at the gate.
They stop talking. The car of the bad guys carry on, all of them are silent Maggie is thinking of her relationship with Bridget. She finds herself on the flashback she and Bridget were at her place on her bed had taken some drugs and too busy tickling each other.
Sarah and John continued talking of Pamela. Sarah hears the sound of the motorcycle.
Sarah: My dear, they have come.
John: I can hear it too.
Maggie continued with the flashback about them having so much fun on her bed. Sarah opens the gate and the two come out of it. Pamela looks at them with a smile on her face. He carries on, stops and she gets out of it at once.
Sarah: Baby, you are most welcome.
The two hugs.
Sarah: I can’t believe finally you are here!
Pamela: I have made it.
Sarah: Have you paid him already?
Pamela turns her head and looks at him. He talks of leaving start it and soon riding it out of the place. They watch him with the smiles on their faces. Pamela and John later shook hands.
Sarah and Pamela enter the place, walk toward the house while holding hands.
Pamela: Girl friend, you are home alone.
Sarah: Completely alone. My mom is busy in her boutique dealing with her customers, making money.
Pamela: You don’t enjoy her money the way you wanted it.
Sarah: Mom treats me like a complete stranger in her life. She doesn’t give me money but when comes to my sister Bridget, she is always giving her a lot of money, spoiling her.
She continued talking of it. The bad guys are on the lonely road heading in the direction where the business man is driving his car, coming to town. His pregnant wife is seated besides him. He looks at her belly while thinking of the baby she is expecting. She moves her left hand to her belly touching it. The husband takes his eyes off a head and looks at her. She takes her eyes off her belly and looks at him.
‘Honey, are you all right?’
‘I am just thinking about the baby.’
‘It has to be a baby boy this time in order to take over my business.’
‘To me it doesn’t matter.’
‘I need a son.’
‘Let us just wait.’
‘I have been waiting for it for ages!’
‘We still have each other.’
Sarah and Pamela enter the living room which is quiet. She welcomes her. They hug.
Sarah: Baby, would you like us to reach my bedroom first?
Pamela: Yeah. I haven’t seen it for quite sometimes now.
Sarah: Ok. Let us go.
The two leave while holding hands. John has entered his house sitting on the edge of the bed and listening to the music on the radio.
Maggie is using the binocular to look a head. She and Sam are the one sitting in front.
Sam: Have you spotted their car?
Maggie: I think so. You have to stop the car.
Sam informs the others about it. He slows down the speed of it.
Sarah opens the door of her bedroom.
Sarah: You go first.
She enters and she follows her, slams the gate.
Sarah: welcome to my bedroom.
Pamela: It is so clean.
Sarah: My bedroom is absolutely nothing compared to the one of my sister Bridget.
Pamela: Please don’t say something like that.
Sarah: It is the whole truth honey.
Pamela: I like your bedroom more than the one of your sister.
Sarah: Because you are my girl friend and you love me so very much.
Pamela: Baby, always.
Pamela hugs her again. The bad guys leave the car in the middle of the road and take cover by the road. Maggie is holding her pistol in her right hand and waiting for the right moment to act.
Sarah and Pamela get seated on the edge of the bed and start playing by tickling each other.
He reaches the corner and looks at the car. It struck them.
‘Honey, the car is in the middle of the road!’
He turns his head and looks at his wife.
‘May it break down?’
‘It might be the case.’
He stops the car.
Sarah and Pamela remain sitting on the edge of the bed with their arms on each other look at each other with smiles on their faces. Pamela burst into laughter like something really amuses her. She joins her.
He stops the car and talk of it. He opens the door and comes out leaving it opens. Maggie emerges pointing the pistol at him. He turns his head, looks at her and gets carried a way. It goes to his wife too. He turns his body to face her.
‘Please don’t kill me.’
‘Shut up and put your hands on your bloody head.’
He responded right a way, panicking.
‘Please, don’t kill my husband.’
She orders her to shut up or else going to shoot her dead.
‘How much money do you have in your briefcase?’
He hesitates responding. She threatens him that she is going to pull out the trigger. He turns his head and looks at his wife.
‘Honey, give them the money.’
‘You better listen to your f****** wife.’
He turns his head back.
The wife gets hold of the briefcase and hands it to him. He hands it over to her, she gets hold of it with her left hand.
‘How much is here?’
‘Eight million shillings.’
She orders him to move to the direction she came from with his hands on the head. He turns his head and looks at his wife. The wife nods his head.
He walks in the direction where he finds the other bad guys. Bob kicks him. He falls down on his back and begs for his life to be spared talking and using the hands.
Bob: Shut up idiot. (He kicks him with the shoes)
Sarah and Pamela are now looking at their pictures in the album.
Maggie orders the woman to get out of the car. She comes out of it holding onto her head with her hands. She is begging her to spare them.
‘Shut up; don’t’ tell me what to do. You are nobody.
She talks of her pregnancy that she has not been feeling well. She orders her to shut up because she is not interested in it. The husband of the woman remains lying on the ground on his back. Bob has pulled out the sharp knife holding it with his right hand and threatening his life with it. Sam leaves them, emerges shortly and finds the pregnant woman is panicking. Maggie turns her head and looks at him.
Maggie: Let her join her husband.
She turns her head back.
Maggie: Move and join your husband. (She orders her)
She moves out of the place with her hands on her head. Maggie kicks her buttock sending her to the road facing it. She starts crying. She is ordering her to shut up. She starts kicking her while ordering her to get up, finding it extremely difficult to do so. She suggests to Sam to drag her to the others. They get hold of her arms and pull her out of the road. She cries for her baby.
She finds her husband is still lying on the ground on his back and being threatened by the knife. She is lying on the ground besides him facing up.
Maggie: Guys, we have eight millions here.
Sam: We are rich!
Andrew: First have to move the car from the road.
Jack and Sam move to the road. Sam enters the car of the victims. They start and drive it out of the road. The woman has pissed off Maggie who is still holding the briefcase with her left hand. She starts kicking her body all over. She cries and begs her to stop it. The husband of the woman is also begging her. She sometimes kicks him as well. She carries on till she starts bleeding due to the pregnancy till she is history. She abuses her, spits out the saliva on her body. She hands over the briefcase to their boss who opens the briefcase checks on the money. There are some business documents in the briefcase. Maggie points the pistol at him.
Maggie: On your knees. (Ordering him)
He struggles to get on his knees. Tears come out of the eyes. The pistol remains pointed at him. Jack and Sam have returned to them.
Maggie: How do you feel?
‘Why are you doing this to us?’
Maggie: Shut up.
She kicks him on the nose sending him to the ground on his back, starts bleeding from the nostrils. Bob comes on the camera of his cell phone and starts filming him. She is ordering him to get off his back something he is finding it so difficult.
Sarah and Pamela leave Sarah’s bedroom for the living room to start watching the Nigerian films since both of them enjoy watching them.
Maggie is no longer pointing the gun at the victim.
Maggie: Jack, go to the car to fetch the petrol in the small jerry can.
He leaves right a way, returns shortly and hands it over to Maggie. She pours the petrol on their bodies and set it a blaze using the matchbox stick. Bob continued filming it using his camera.
The bad guys later move out of the place with the intention of taking the car of the victims with them. They sometime steal vehicles and sell them.
Sarah and Pamela are sitting on the big sofa and gluing to the screen watching the Nigerian movie. Her cell phone in her pocket starts ringing.
Sarah: My dear, someone is calling me.
Pamela: You find out.
Pamela gets hold of the remote control with her right hand to reduce the volume. Sarah pulls out the cell phone from her pocket using her left hand.
Sarah: It is my mother. Let me talk to her.
Patricia is calling from her boutique.
Patricia: Where are you?
Sarah: Mom, I am at home.
Patricia: Are you alone?
Sarah: No. My girl friend Pamela is with me.
Patricia: What about your sister Bridget? I tried to reach her on her cell phone.
Sarah: Mom, she is not at home. I had no idea where she could be.
They continue talking for a while.
Sarah: My mother is trying to get in touch with her precious daughter.
They continue talking of it. Patricia walks around in the boutique busy thinking of Bridget, holding her cell phone with her left hand.
Pamela increases the volume of it. Patricia stops moving, stares at the cell phone and starts thinking of her husband James. She decided to give him a call. James is in his office working using his laptop on the desk. One of his two cell phones on the desk starts ringing. He picks it up with his left hand. ‘It is my wife.’
James: Hello honey.
Patricia: How is it going?
James: Fine. Busy.
Patricia: By the way, have you been able to talk to our daughter Bridget?
James: No honey, is there a problem?
Patricia: Not really. I tried to reach her on her call phone in vain.
She continued talking of it.
James: Have you called our daughter Sarah?
Patricia: I did. She said has no glue where she could be.
The two continue talking for a while.
The bad guys carry on with the two cars. Maggie and Sam are in the car of the victims. The rest are in their car. The car of the victims is behind. Maggie is having the stolen money with her in the briefcase she put it on her body. The car is heading in the direction where three well armed policemen are on the road, on the patrol.
After the corner, they look at the policemen near by.
Sam: The f****** policemen.
Maggie: Drive on, increase the speed and don’t stop no matter what.
One of the policemen decided to stop them.
Maggie: Don’t pay attention to that idiot.
Sam increases the speed of it.
The policemen realize that they have to be bad elements and take cover. He hit one of the policemen real hard as he dives by the road to avoid being hit. He flees out of the road while bleeding. His gun slips and comes down. The two policemen open fire on the two. Maggie bends.
Maggie: Drive on…
The two policemen follow the car while running firing, leaving their colleagues lying dead on the ground facing it. Maggie looks at the policemen advancing on the side mirror. She pulls out her pistol. Sam losses control of the vehicle.
Maggie: Do something, you want to kill us….?
As he struggles to take control of the car, it hit a tree by the road and pushing it. The car is on its way to crash.
Maggie: Let us jump out of the f****** car (she shouts)
She gets hold of the briefcase, opens the door and jumps out of it. She lands on the ground, comes down and rolls onto it while holding onto her pistol and the briefcase. The policemen continue with their advancement. Sam carries on for a while, jumps out of it and takes cover by the tree near by. The car crashes shortly.
Maggie gets up to take cover. The police open fire on her. She bends and runs out of the place while bending still holding onto the two. The bullets continued following her. Sam is busy firing at the policemen causing them to take cover. Maggie takes cover squatting by the tree. She looks at her body. It seems did survive the attack. She hears Sam is busy firing at the police, takes her eyes off her body and looks in the direction where Sam is. She later takes her eyes off the direction and looks at her pistol.
The policemen continue advancing tactically. One of them communicates to their boss who is riding the motorcycle in the distance and now on his way back. He informs him of what happened, happening.
‘One of our men is dead sir, we are pursuing them.’
Don’t let them get a way.’
Maggie moves out of the place comes under intense fire and takes off with bullets following her. She takes cover by the tree and returns fire busy firing her pistol. Sam crosses the road to move in the direction where Maggie is.
Maggie is forced to leave her position with bullets after her. She enters among the trees where she takes cover. The policemen continued advancing Sam running in the direction. Maggie starts thinking of leaving the place. She comes under fire, the enemies are close. She moves to the ground lying on it. Sam spots them and open fire right a way. The policemen are forced by him to retreat a bit, take cover and fight back.
The two are battling the policemen. Sam advances towards them tactically. He comes under fire. He dives to the ground and crawls on it with bullets following him. Maggie continues fighting them. He takes cover and return fire shooting the policeman on the left shoulder. It pushes him; hit the ground with his back and realizes that he is bleeding. He cried out, ‘I have been f****** shot by an idiot!’’ he moves his right to the place placing his hand on it. He turns his head and looks around; his colleague is nowhere to be seen. He is pursuing Maggie who is moving tactically in the direction where he is. Their boss continues riding the motorcycle in the speed to get to the place as soon as possible. Sam advances towards him with his finger on the trigger. He stops by the tree, watches him struggling to get off his back. He managed it and holding onto the shoulder been shot, in a lot of pain his hand has been polluted by the blood.
Sam leaves the place, moves towards him. He turns his head to look around only to sees him close. He comes on his gun to shoot him. He kicks his head hard before he could pull out the trigger pushing him to the ground. His face starts bleeding. He is no longer in the position to fight back. Sam places his left shoe on his neck squeezing it to finish him off. He starts hearing the exchange of fire between Maggie and him who just bumped into each other and took cover. He turns his head and looks in the direction where the two are his shoe remains on his neck. He returns his head back and steps onto it hard killing him, ‘a piece of shit’
He leaves the place moves in the direction where the two are tactically. Maggie continues battling him. He realizes that no more bullets are left in the magazine. He removes it throwing it a way to the ground. When he turns his head to look around, he gets carried a way, Maggie is walking towards him pointing the pistol at him. She is still holding the briefcase with her left hand.
‘Don’t you dare try to mess up with me, hands up or else going to mess up your brain’
He is left with no choice. First she orders him to throw his gun to the ground. He put his hands on his head.
‘Please, don’t kill me.’
‘Shut up idiot. You think you can outsmart me? , Only in your dream.
Sam emerges from the distance, looks at the two and stops. Their boss Andrew calls him on his cell phone to check on what the hell might be going on. He informs him of it. Maggie moves more closely to him, kicks him hard pushing him, the pistol remains pointing at him. He staggers and comes down hit the ground with his back. He moves his hands begging her using them. As he gets off his back, she shot him in the mouth with the bullet emerging from the back of his head with the blood. It pushes him back to the ground, history. He is bleeding polluting the ground. Maggie abuses him. She turns her head and looks at Sam is still talking to their boss since it is a free call. He informs him that Maggie has just eliminated him. Maggie turns her body facing the direction where he is. He begins to walk towards her till he reaches her.
Sam: I am glad you are all right.
Maggie: Of course.
Sam: Me too.
Maggie: You have informed the others.
Sam: Yeah. I have been talking to the boss. We did a great job.
Maggie: These f****** policemen try to mess up with us.
Sam: We sent them straight to hell.
Maggie: Where they belong. Let us get the hell out of here. These policemen are very poor, don’t have the money, let us just leave go back to the road where the bloody car crashed.
They walk out of the place talking of the battle. Maggie lights a stick of cigarette using the lighter and starts smoking it holding it with her right hand, the briefcase remains with her left hand. They carry on till reach the road where it crashed. Maggie continues smoking it. Sam has joined her. She turns her head and looks in the direction the motorcycle is coming from.
Sam: My dear, what is it?
Maggie: I am hearing something like sound of the motorcycle is coming that way.
He listens to finds out.
Sam: It seems to be the case.
Maggie: May by another f****** policeman.
Maggie begins to walk in the direction. Sam follows her. She continues smoking it. As they approach the corner, the police officer emerges on the motorcycle, looks at the two and acts at once. He pulls out the assault rifle with him using his right hand, opens fire on them. They dive and roll on the ground dodging the bullets. The two managed to escape the attack and take cover. Maggie is standing by the tree. He spreads the bullets in the direction where she is. She moves around the tree, fires a shot at him shooting on the chest. It pushes him off it, firing it in the air on his way to hit the ground with his back. He is bleeding and dying. The two look at each other. Sam shows to her with his finger thanking her for the job well down. He was about to riddled the police officer with bullets.
The two move to the body.
Maggie: My dear, let us get the hell out of here with his bloody motorcycle.
He lifts it up. She gets seated on it holding the briefcase with her left hand. Sam put on his helmet. He turns his head and looks at her,
Maggie: I am ready, start the damn thing and we get the hell out of here.
He starts it, rides out of the place in the speed leaving the body of the policeman on the ground where he is shot dead.
Alan and Bridget are still in the bedroom been making love. Maggie is dressing up while sitting on the bed unlike Alan who is lying on the bed on his back covering some parts of her body with the bed sheet.
Bridget: Baby, my cell phone is still off.
Alan: We have been enjoying each other.
Bridget: You are a notorious rebel in bed!
She amuses them.
Alan: What about you? I can’t even get out of the bed because of you. You always leave me in pretty bad shape, my whole body is hacking!
She amuses them.
Bridget: I have to go to the bathroom.
Alan: To ease yourself?
Bridget: Yeah. Take a quick bath before I get the hell out of here.
Alan: Which mean, you are leaving me?
Bridget: You don’t need me anymore.
He laughs. She gets up.
Bridget: Baby, I will be right back.
Alan: I am still stuck here.
She smiles at him and walks out of the bedroom. He thinks of how he was enjoying having sex with her with a smile on his face.
Bridget is standing in front of the mirror of the bathroom and starring at herself with a smile on her face. She thinks of how the boy friend has been treating her in bed. Alan is talking loudly how he enjoys having sex with her. She takes her eyes off it, looks at the bathtub. She wants to use it. She turns her back against the mirror and stares at it. She finds herself thinking of her girl friend Maggie. Maggie and the others are celebrating their great victory in one of their hide outs in the ghetto in the building which is under the construction; it has been stopped for quite sometimes. They are drinking, smoking and dancing.
Bridget gets seated on the edge of the bathtub and turns on the water filling it. She later undresses remains totally naked gets into the bathtub and now enjoying herself. She plays, pushes her legs around. Alan remains lying on the bed. His cell phone on the bed besides him starts ringing. He turns his head, looks at it and picks it up using his left hand. It is his mother.
Alan: Mom, it is you.
Trisha is calling from her office.
Trisha: My son I have decided to check on you. You are still with your girl friend?
Alan: Mom, she is still around.
Trisha: My son, you sound exhausted it seems you guys have been doing something.
Alan: Mom, she is my lover.
Trisha: My son I am happy for you. I have no problem with it. It is your girl friend and you have every right in the world to enjoy her.
Alan: Mom, she drives me totally crazy.
He amuses her.
Trisha: My son I have this feeling she is not right there with you.
Alan: Mom, she is in the bathroom having a bath.
They continue talking of it and sometimes laugh. Bridge carries on till she feels it is time for her to leave the bathroom. She wipes her body with the towel, wraps around her body and leaves the bathroom. She finds Alan is sitting on the bed.
Alan: Baby, you are back, welcome.
She stops by the bed.
Bridget: Do you miss me?
Bridget: You would like to kiss me?
Alan: Always. Give it to me.
She bows her head towards him. He moves his mouth to kiss her. She moves her head a way before he could do it.
Alan: Oh, no.
She laughs at him.
Alan: You are already torturing me.
Bridget: Tell me more about it.
He talks of it amusing her. She later bows her head. This time she allows him to kiss her. She closes her eyes for a while. Their lips are still close to each other.
Bridget: Tell me more how you enjoy kissing me. Convince me if you really need some bonus from me.
He talks of it amusing her. She gets seated on the edge of the bed and allows him to kiss her.
Alan: Those great lips of yours always set me on fire.
Bridget later put on some make ups on her body Alan watching her keenly. She has some of her stuffs like the perfumes in his bedroom. It goes to the clothes too in the wardrobe.
She later moves to the wardrobe to choose which one to put on. She picks up two dresses and moves to Alan stops by the bed.
Bridget: Honey, which one should I wear?
Alan: They are all sexy.
Bridget: Mom bought them for me.
Alan: Your mom is totally crazy about you.
Bridget: Baby, I am waiting.
Alan: The one in your left hand.
She takes her eyes off him and looks at it.
Bridget: Sweet heart, I wanted the same thing!
She returns the other one to the wardrobe and moves to the front mirror dressing up herself. Alan who is on his night short with no shirt, gets out of the bed, stretches his body. She turns her head, looks at him and smiles.
Alan: Baby, I am coming.
He walks towards her, stops behind her. He praises the dress and her beauty.
Bridget: I have to get the hell out of here.
She turns her head and looks at him. He comes on her lips kissing her for a while. Alan later escorts her. As they walk toward the gate, she decided to call her mother who is still in her boutique doing some work using her laptop which is connected to the internet. She is busy thinking about the daughter Bridget. One of her cell phones on the desk starts ringing. She picks it up using her left hand.
Patricia: Finally… (She cried out) Baby, where the hell have you been?
Bridget: Mom, I have been with my boy friend enjoying myself.
Patricia: Baby, I was so worry about you. You switched off your cell phone!
Bridget: Mom, I didn’t want us to be interrupted.
Patricia: Where are you now honey?
Bridget: Mom, I am leaving his place.
Bridget: Sweet heart, you have to come straight to the boutique because I got a big surprise for you.
Bridget: Mom, really?
Patricia: Sweet heart, you better hurry up.
Bridget: Mom, I come right a way.
Patricia: Baby, I am right here waiting for you.
They stop talking.
Alan: Baby, you are going straight to your mom.
Patricia: She got a big surprise for me. I wonder what could be.
Alan: You will find out pretty soon.
He walks her to outside the gate and starts kissing her.
Patricia remains in her office waiting for her daughter arrive any minute from now. She is sitting on the chair and staring at the door. Bridget opens the door and pushes her head inside.
Patricia: Baby, you have made it.
Bridget: Mom, of course.
Alan is taking a walk in the compound while thinking of how he enjoyed making passionate love to Bridget who is completely wild in bed.
Patricia gets up right a way. Bridget enters the office, slams the door and walks towards the mother. She hugs her daughter and kisses her. She remains in her arms.
Patricia: My baby is right here in my arms.
Bridget: Mom, we are always together.
Patricia: Baby, not always. I miss you so very much.
Bridget: Mom, one of these days you got to swallow me up in your belly for a while.
Patricia: You have been with your handsome boy friend.
Bridget: Enjoying myself. Mom, he is one of the best guys in bed.
She amuses the mother.
Patricia: He is a good boy. I love him too because he is absolutely so crazy about my baby.
Bridget: Mom, where is the big surprise?
Patricia: Baby, not so fast.
Patricia later gets seated on the chair and allows the daughter to sit on her lap. She is playing with her, pampering her.
Patricia: Sweet heart, you should come here more frequently.
Bridget: Mom, you don’t have to worry about it.
Bridget: Come on mom.
Patricia: Baby, I would love it if you promise mummy.
Bridget: Ok mom, promise.
Patricia: Baby thanks.
Bridget: Mom, I am getting so desperate to find out what the big surprise is all about.
Patricia: Baby, I got the message loud and clear. Let us get the hell out of here.
Bridget: Mom, where the hell are we going?
Patricia: To my bedroom of course.
Bridget: In this boutique?
Patricia: Of course.
Bridget: Mom, something big is definitely present in the bedroom.
Patricia: Baby, you can say that again.
She gets up, turns around. She beats the bum of her daughter with her right hand.
Bridget: Mom….! (She screams amusing them a great deal)
Patricia gets up. They walk out of the office now in the bedroom which is having good furniture. There is music system in the bedroom, a TV set, DVD player and even woofers. The two are standing by the bed and holding hands.
Bridget: Mom, we are right here.
She smiles at her daughter, turns her head and looks around staring at the wardrobe.
Bridget: Mom, what is inside that wardrobe?
She turns her head back and continues smiling at her daughter saying nothing to her. She turns her back against her, walks towards it, opens and removes an elegant dress she bought for her daughter from the Dubai, on the hanger. She turns her body facing her.
Bridget: Mom…! (She screams) and rushes to her mother. She gets hold of it with her hands admiring it so much.
Bridge: Mom, this is best dresscyou ever bought for me.
Patricia: Baby, you got to be kidding me.
Bridget: Mom, it is the whole truth. I can’t wait to put it on. My stupid sister Sarah would surely die of sudden heart attack on seeing me on it.
She amuses them.
Patricia: I have to help you put it on. Get rid of that rag you are wearing.
She amuses them. Bridget undresses the mother helps her to put it on.
Patricia: Baby, you are the best.
Bridget: Mom, you are absolutely right.
Patricia: Baby, let us go to the mirror.
They move to the mirror.
Patricia: Baby, I am really so proud of you, proud to be your daughter, the reason why you will always be my baby.
Bridget listens to her mother with a smile on her face. She turns her head and looks at her.
Patricia: And those beautiful smiles of yours.
She moves her left hand and touches the face of her daughter tenderly.
Patricia: Baby, there is more to the big surprise.
Bridget: Mom, really?
Patricia: Baby, just look in the mirror.
She turns her head back.
Bridget: Mom, I am looking at the mirror, what next?
Patricia: You just close your eyes and don’t dare open it until I say so.
Bridget: Ok, mom.
She closes her eyes.
Patricia: Baby, remember no cheating.
Bridget: Mom, I got the message loud and clear.
Patricia: Baby just keeps smiling.
Bridget: Mom, you better be fast unless you want me to fain!
She amuses them. She walks out of the place and returns shortly with the lovely necklace she also bought from Dubai. She stops behind her daughter watches her with a smile on her face.
Bridget: Mom, where the hell are you? You are so quiet!
She moves her hands and put it for her.
Patricia: Baby, now open your eyes.
She opens her eyes, looks at it and becomes speechless and later cried out, ‘mom….!’
The two are busy talking about it praising and later make a toss to it and drink to it.
Sarah and Pamela are walking in the compound holding hands.
Pamela: Honey, I am still thinking about the films we watched.
Sarah: I have forgotten about them.
Pamela: Come on, honey.
Sarah: No big deal.
Pamela: The impossible love. This is what is happening to some of us.
Sarah tickles her with her hands. She screams and laughs. She carries on. Pamela takes off Sarah pursues her. They continue laughing. Patricia takes her daughter Bridget out to a nice restaurant to have a drink. Bridget is putting on the new elegant dress with the necklace. The two are attracting the attention of the others. The music is being played to entertain them.
Bridget: Mom, people can’t stop glancing at us especially me.
Patricia: Let them be. I want to show to the entire world how much I really adore my baby.
She continues talking of it. She watches her mother with a smile on her face. She grabs her glass with her left hand and takes it. Patricia comes on the camera of her cell phone and takes her pictures.
Patricia: Baby, continues smiling beautifully to the entire world.
She continues taking the pictures. She sometimes turns her head and looks around. The two start looking at the pictures on the phone with Patricia holding it with her left hand.
Patricia later grabs her drink with her right hand and takes it.
Bridget: Mom, give me the camera, it is my turn.
She smiles at her and hands it over to her. She takes her pictures. She smiles beautifully posing and amusing the daughter a great deal. The two later look at the pictures talk of it and sometimes laugh. Patricia gets hold of the bottle of great wine with her right hand and pours it into their glasses starting with the one of her daughter. The daughter watches it with a smile on her face. She put it down, grabs the glass of her daughter with her right hand and starts feeding her daughter with it.
The two continued having a great time at the restaurant until it is getting late. She drives out of the place the daughter sitting besides her is watching her with a smile on her face. The two are listening to the slow jam on the CD.
Bridget: Mom, I can’t believe what we did in the restaurant.
Patricia: Baby, they will always remember us.
Bridget: Mom, we set a world record.
Patricia: Baby, you can say it again.
Bridget: Mom, thanky so much for showing to the entire world how much you truly loved and adored me. I felt like the princess.
Patricia: Baby, you are always my princess, the reason why I always love spending quality time with you and loving you evens more.
Bridget begins to shake her body due to the music especially the head.
Patricia: Baby, you almost ended up getting a substitute.
Patricia: Your boy friend Alan better watches out.
She continues amusing her daughter a great deal. The two carry on till gets to the boutique.
It is now night getting late. Pamela is spending the night at Sarah’s place. She did manage to convince her to do so. The two are still a wake sharing a bed sheet.
Pamela: Your mom arrived with your sister wearing that elegant dress and necklace. Your mom might up spent a fortune on it.
Sarah: The two just wanted me to feel so bad. My mother doesn’t buy suck kind of elegant dresses to me. She will never do it, that I am absolutely pretty damn sure of it.
Pamela: Your mom is something else.
Sarah: I got use to it.
Pamela: Honey, it is already late. We have to fall a sleep.
Sarah: You are right.
They fall a sleep shortly.
It is early morning Bridget is still sleeping on her bed lying on her back. She put on the sexy night dress petticoat. She begins to swing her head and opens her head shortly. She yawns, turns her head and looks at the bedroom. Her boy friend Alan has woken up, sitting on the edge of his bed still wearing his night short with no shirt. He is too busy thinking of his girl friend Bridget. He turns his head and stares at the bed especially the pillows.
Bridget gets seated on the bed, looks at her petticoat exposing her sexy lovely breasts with a smile on her face. She swings her head, turns and looks around starring at her cell phone on the bed besides one of the pillows. She stretches her right hand to the phone picks it up. She switches it on and searches for Alan’s number. She calls him. His cell phone on the bed starts ringing. He turns his head and looks at it.
Alan: I feel it is my honey.
He picks it up using his right hand.
Alan: Honey, I knew it was you.
Bridget: Baby, how was your last night?
Alan: Sweet heart, it was absolutely so fantastic.
Bridget: What does it mean?
Alan: It means I dreamt about you the whole night.
Bridget: Wow! Sweetie, I am so flattened.
Alan: I just love you too much.
Bridget: Honey, keep talking.
She continues listening to him while touching caressing her swollen breasts. She tells him what she is doing. It is turning him on.
Alan: Baby, we can repeat it today.
Bridget: Baby, I am sorry to disappoint you.
Bridget: I have got other plans.
Alan: You can forget about those so called plans of yours.
Bridget: No. You are not the only one on the planet earth I cared about a great deal.
Alan: Honey, you are making me so jealous.
The two continue talking for a while. She gets out of the bed, stretches her body and yawns. She turns her head and looks at the mirror, turns her body and faces the direction where it is. She walks towards the mirror, stops in front of it looks at her sexy petticoat admiring it. She begins to touch her body with her hands, moving her fingers on the sensitive parts of her body.
Bridget later leaves for the flash toilet and now heading for the bedroom of her mother still wearing the sexy petticoat. Her mother spent the night in their bedroom alone. The husband told her that he has to attend a party for one of his friends. She is still lying on the bed on her back with the body covered by the bed sheet busy thinking of her daughter with a smile on her face.
Bridget stops at the door, stares at it and moves her left hand to it touching it. She opens it shortly without knocking it.
Patricia: Baby, you have come?
Bridget: Morning mom.
Patricia: Morning my baby.
She gets off her back. She moves to her mother in the hurry. They hug and remain in the arms of the daughter.
Bridget: Mom, did you by any chance dream of my dad?
Patricia: Absolutely not.
She amuses her daughter.
Bridget: Mom, you talk as if you no longer feel anything for my poor dad.
Patricia: Baby, I love your dad.
Bridget: Mom, how much?
Patricia starts laughing. She joins her. The two later start playing on the bed.
Bridget and her mother are in the bathroom with the bathtub. Bridget is the one in the bathtub; the mother is sitting on the edge of the bathtub and bathing her daughter. She sometimes tickles her daughter to amuse her.
Maggie remains lying on her bed facing it, holding onto the pillows. She put on the short and blouse exposing her legs. She is feeling some hang over. Bridget has comes to be with her. She walks towards the place with a smile on her face, carrying the hand bag.
She stops at the door, stares at it for a while and opens it using her right hand. She enters and slams it.
In this excerpt I feel you've cluttered my mind with details that do not help me focus. I don't enjoy it when that happens because reading what you've written does not attract my attention.
As a writer my main concern is semantics and brevity. But no matter what you write keep it clear and concise. If readers fail to make a comment you might assume they agree totally with your content, writing style. I have my own reservations.
I'm especially interested in Development Editing. That means laying out the clean bones of a plot and ,if needed re-arranging, going for a better flow of scenes, plot and words.
For your excerpt you need to show the reader what the hook is. Then the internal conflict of the star character or characters.
Other points will spring to your mind but what I've mentioned is enough. Set the scene. Place the characters within that scene. keep them there from start to end, and write the quirky romantic punchy dialogue that is needed.
At the moment ,IMO, what you've written is too much of several things. A film script, a short story, third person POV, distractions,and there you have it.
Writing is not easy so good luck with your project.