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Hey, Betty here, this is a piece of my writing that I decided to use for pretty much the summerization of my writing of my 3rd book. ( taken from its pages) Read and I would love some comments or guesses of what you think the story is about. That would be great. thanks plenty dudes and dudets. Also The "i" in the writing is a guys point of view aight? lol just in case you think otherwise.

"...I Thought of Amy....

         The Tears in her eyes last night.....

                     As she ran up the stairs...

         The trembaling of her lips.....

                     As she begged me to hold her...

         The fierceness of her kiss....

                     As she asked for sex."

 

 

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I'm guessing it's about that ole devil called love. That's not exactly much to go on LOL. You've misspelled trembling there. Is your book a book of poetry? And you said "as" in every second line. Was that an intentional repetition?
yup, it was intentional. I wanted to make the paragragh explain in short words. no it isnt a poetry book..just some of his sensetive thoughts, i know i mis-spelled. lol my damn computer was shutting down 4 no reason. so i rushed.

scribbler said:
I'm guessing it's about that ole devil called love. That's not exactly much to go on LOL. You've misspelled trembling there. Is your book a book of poetry? And you said "as" in every second line. Was that an intentional repetition?
I think it's about a reconciliation and maybe a secret one. My guess is that she ended it, then changed her mind and wanted to rekindle the relationship. It feels like it's on the illicit side perhaps, if she left him for someone else and wants to have an affair with him?

Or did he break up with her and she can't accept that...hmm. Interesting! Do tell. :)
Hey Betty!

I'm in need of context, here. This reads to me more like a poem, less like a manuscript. Obviously, the genre is romance, or romantic fiction, but I have no tag to a storyline. Please provide a better summary and I shall be happy to help.
Is your male character a hero or an unwitting villian? Is your female character a victim or a femme fatale? In what time frame does your story take place? Current day, past or future?
The more we know, the more we can be of assistance.
I can see numerous places that the few words you have posted could lead the imagination. I have to agree with Kay's last words on her post: Do tell.

My Best,
Mark
Alright, the story is hard to tell...lol probably why Im telling it in A book series. this is for mark and kay. because i dont like repeating myself. lol Main character is James. A Vampire. who fell for a Witch..(Amy) in the first book...both are the I guess good guys..Plenty of drama occurs through out the entire books, evolving around their disturbing past. also troughout the 4 and 5 books back to their childhood tragedys..crazy s*** of a female stalker human of James named Pricilla. Shes The bad female enemy, as well as Pete (also human), a guy who wants to make Amy his sex slave. pete becomes a werewolf in the 2nd book and pricilla, a sorceress(granted her powers by the lord of the underworld (L.O.U) 4 short. um to keep her powers and her youth(which she cares plenty for) she made a deal with him that she must make james say the words"I love You" to her face of his own will..bfore pete dies. (her soppasably lover) and if she fails she is forced to wed him in "hell" so her plan is to Transform herself into "amy" and do the old switcharoo with the real amy ( wipe her mind of all memories). james finds out after a while...More drama. but he evntually is taken hostage, bloody torture, as well as sexual touch by pricilla (pysco stalker remember?) and um.....plenty more other stuff...too lazy to write out..thats pretty much the first 3 books out of 5. um a small scene is on my homepage, i think blogs or something? its 4 pages from my 3rd book. read if u like. and if u do, b sure to leave a comment. its set in modern time, if ur wondering and all my books r 400 to 500 pages longish...so plenty of detail..lol um thats pretty much it..i gotta go.. any questions ask away!

Kay Elizabeth said:
I think it's about a reconciliation and maybe a secret one. My guess is that she ended it, then changed her mind and wanted to rekindle the relationship. It feels like it's on the illicit side perhaps, if she left him for someone else and wants to have an affair with him?

Or did he break up with her and she can't accept that...hmm. Interesting! Do tell. :)
Heck, Betty! Were you in a rush when you wrote this? You confused me. I couldn't follow what you were saying with all the um's, lack of capitalization and repeated usage of "..." in that post. Please, next time you explain something, use paragraphs and proper sentences. A spellchecker wouldn't go amiss either.

From what I could grasp, your story does sound interesting. However if you've written it in the same format as your post, it's going to need an enormous amount of revision. This is just too much hard work to read and make sense of. Please take this as constructive criticism.

Betty Damil said:
Alright, the story is hard to tell...lol probably why Im telling it in A book series. this is for mark and kay. because i dont like repeating myself. lol Main character is James. A Vampire. who fell for a Witch..(Amy) in the first book...both are the I guess good guys..Plenty of drama occurs through out the entire books, evolving around their disturbing past. also troughout the 4 and 5 books back to their childhood tragedys..crazy s*** of a female stalker human of James named Pricilla. Shes The bad female enemy, as well as Pete (also human), a guy who wants to make Amy his sex slave. pete becomes a werewolf in the 2nd book and pricilla, a sorceress(granted her powers by the lord of the underworld (L.O.U) 4 short. um to keep her powers and her youth(which she cares plenty for) she made a deal with him that she must make james say the words"I love You" to her face of his own will..bfore pete dies. (her soppasably lover) and if she fails she is forced to wed him in "hell" so her plan is to Transform herself into "amy" and do the old switcharoo with the real amy ( wipe her mind of all memories). james finds out after a while...More drama. but he evntually is taken hostage, bloody torture, as well as sexual touch by pricilla (pysco stalker remember?) and um.....plenty more other stuff...too lazy to write out..thats pretty much the first 3 books out of 5. um a small scene is on my homepage, i think blogs or something? its 4 pages from my 3rd book. read if u like. and if u do, b sure to leave a comment. its set in modern time, if ur wondering and all my books r 400 to 500 pages longish...so plenty of detail..lol um thats pretty much it..i gotta go.. any questions ask away!
Kay Elizabeth said:
I think it's about a reconciliation and maybe a secret one. My guess is that she ended it, then changed her mind and wanted to rekindle the relationship. It feels like it's on the illicit side perhaps, if she left him for someone else and wants to have an affair with him?

Or did he break up with her and she can't accept that...hmm. Interesting! Do tell. :)
Dont worry, I was in a serious rush.


Kay Elizabeth said:
Heck, Betty! Were you in a rush when you wrote this? You confused me. I couldn't follow what you were saying with all the um's, lack of capitalization and repeated usage of "..." in that post. Please, next time you explain something, use paragraphs and proper sentences. A spellchecker wouldn't go amiss either.

From what I could grasp, your story does sound interesting. However if you've written it in the same format as your post, it's going to need an enormous amount of revision. This is just too much hard work to read and make sense of. Please take this as constructive criticism.

Betty Damil said:
Alright, the story is hard to tell...lol probably why Im telling it in A book series. this is for mark and kay. because i dont like repeating myself. lol Main character is James. A Vampire. who fell for a Witch..(Amy) in the first book...both are the I guess good guys..Plenty of drama occurs through out the entire books, evolving around their disturbing past. also troughout the 4 and 5 books back to their childhood tragedys..crazy s*** of a female stalker human of James named Pricilla. Shes The bad female enemy, as well as Pete (also human), a guy who wants to make Amy his sex slave. pete becomes a werewolf in the 2nd book and pricilla, a sorceress(granted her powers by the lord of the underworld (L.O.U) 4 short. um to keep her powers and her youth(which she cares plenty for) she made a deal with him that she must make james say the words"I love You" to her face of his own will..bfore pete dies. (her soppasably lover) and if she fails she is forced to wed him in "hell" so her plan is to Transform herself into "amy" and do the old switcharoo with the real amy ( wipe her mind of all memories). james finds out after a while...More drama. but he evntually is taken hostage, bloody torture, as well as sexual touch by pricilla (pysco stalker remember?) and um.....plenty more other stuff...too lazy to write out..thats pretty much the first 3 books out of 5. um a small scene is on my homepage, i think blogs or something? its 4 pages from my 3rd book. read if u like. and if u do, b sure to leave a comment. its set in modern time, if ur wondering and all my books r 400 to 500 pages longish...so plenty of detail..lol um thats pretty much it..i gotta go.. any questions ask away!
Kay Elizabeth said:
I think it's about a reconciliation and maybe a secret one. My guess is that she ended it, then changed her mind and wanted to rekindle the relationship. It feels like it's on the illicit side perhaps, if she left him for someone else and wants to have an affair with him?

Or did he break up with her and she can't accept that...hmm. Interesting! Do tell. :)
I'm glad to hear it. And it's good to see you around here again! Your posts and ideas are always interesting. I'm happy to see you made it back to us. :)

Betty Damil said:
Dont worry, I was in a serious rush.


Kay Elizabeth said:
Heck, Betty! Were you in a rush when you wrote this? You confused me. I couldn't follow what you were saying with all the um's, lack of capitalization and repeated usage of "..." in that post. Please, next time you explain something, use paragraphs and proper sentences. A spellchecker wouldn't go amiss either.

From what I could grasp, your story does sound interesting. However if you've written it in the same format as your post, it's going to need an enormous amount of revision. This is just too much hard work to read and make sense of. Please take this as constructive criticism.

Betty Damil said:
Alright, the story is hard to tell...lol probably why Im telling it in A book series. this is for mark and kay. because i dont like repeating myself. lol Main character is James. A Vampire. who fell for a Witch..(Amy) in the first book...both are the I guess good guys..Plenty of drama occurs through out the entire books, evolving around their disturbing past. also troughout the 4 and 5 books back to their childhood tragedys..crazy s*** of a female stalker human of James named Pricilla. Shes The bad female enemy, as well as Pete (also human), a guy who wants to make Amy his sex slave. pete becomes a werewolf in the 2nd book and pricilla, a sorceress(granted her powers by the lord of the underworld (L.O.U) 4 short. um to keep her powers and her youth(which she cares plenty for) she made a deal with him that she must make james say the words"I love You" to her face of his own will..bfore pete dies. (her soppasably lover) and if she fails she is forced to wed him in "hell" so her plan is to Transform herself into "amy" and do the old switcharoo with the real amy ( wipe her mind of all memories). james finds out after a while...More drama. but he evntually is taken hostage, bloody torture, as well as sexual touch by pricilla (pysco stalker remember?) and um.....plenty more other stuff...too lazy to write out..thats pretty much the first 3 books out of 5. um a small scene is on my homepage, i think blogs or something? its 4 pages from my 3rd book. read if u like. and if u do, b sure to leave a comment. its set in modern time, if ur wondering and all my books r 400 to 500 pages longish...so plenty of detail..lol um thats pretty much it..i gotta go.. any questions ask away!
Kay Elizabeth said:
I think it's about a reconciliation and maybe a secret one. My guess is that she ended it, then changed her mind and wanted to rekindle the relationship. It feels like it's on the illicit side perhaps, if she left him for someone else and wants to have an affair with him?

Or did he break up with her and she can't accept that...hmm. Interesting! Do tell. :)
okay i am in the corner. for what is is worth at this point i think it is about an Alien invasion and two lovers trying to reach each other and survive. of course it could be i am reading fantasy right now and am thinking about aliens. definantly something to do with romance. i still think there is a lot missing, not completely clear for me.
well i hope that at least helped a little, even if you just rolled your eyes.
hahahaha funy. I did roll my eyes at the alien part.
u watch WAY too many movies, my man. lol ;)
Michael Buttiglieri said:
okay i am in the corner. for what is is worth at this point i think it is about an Alien invasion and two lovers trying to reach each other and survive. of course it could be i am reading fantasy right now and am thinking about aliens. definantly something to do with romance. i still think there is a lot missing, not completely clear for me.
well i hope that at least helped a little, even if you just rolled your eyes.
Thank you. just really hard to go on these days. ;) im glad im apprechiated.

Kay Elizabeth said:
I'm glad to hear it. And it's good to see you around here again! Your posts and ideas are always interesting. I'm happy to see you made it back to us. :)

Betty Damil said:
Dont worry, I was in a serious rush.


Kay Elizabeth said:
Heck, Betty! Were you in a rush when you wrote this? You confused me. I couldn't follow what you were saying with all the um's, lack of capitalization and repeated usage of "..." in that post. Please, next time you explain something, use paragraphs and proper sentences. A spellchecker wouldn't go amiss either.

From what I could grasp, your story does sound interesting. However if you've written it in the same format as your post, it's going to need an enormous amount of revision. This is just too much hard work to read and make sense of. Please take this as constructive criticism.

Betty Damil said:
Alright, the story is hard to tell...lol probably why Im telling it in A book series. this is for mark and kay. because i dont like repeating myself. lol Main character is James. A Vampire. who fell for a Witch..(Amy) in the first book...both are the I guess good guys..Plenty of drama occurs through out the entire books, evolving around their disturbing past. also troughout the 4 and 5 books back to their childhood tragedys..crazy s*** of a female stalker human of James named Pricilla. Shes The bad female enemy, as well as Pete (also human), a guy who wants to make Amy his sex slave. pete becomes a werewolf in the 2nd book and pricilla, a sorceress(granted her powers by the lord of the underworld (L.O.U) 4 short. um to keep her powers and her youth(which she cares plenty for) she made a deal with him that she must make james say the words"I love You" to her face of his own will..bfore pete dies. (her soppasably lover) and if she fails she is forced to wed him in "hell" so her plan is to Transform herself into "amy" and do the old switcharoo with the real amy ( wipe her mind of all memories). james finds out after a while...More drama. but he evntually is taken hostage, bloody torture, as well as sexual touch by pricilla (pysco stalker remember?) and um.....plenty more other stuff...too lazy to write out..thats pretty much the first 3 books out of 5. um a small scene is on my homepage, i think blogs or something? its 4 pages from my 3rd book. read if u like. and if u do, b sure to leave a comment. its set in modern time, if ur wondering and all my books r 400 to 500 pages longish...so plenty of detail..lol um thats pretty much it..i gotta go.. any questions ask away!
Kay Elizabeth said:
I think it's about a reconciliation and maybe a secret one. My guess is that she ended it, then changed her mind and wanted to rekindle the relationship. It feels like it's on the illicit side perhaps, if she left him for someone else and wants to have an affair with him?

Or did he break up with her and she can't accept that...hmm. Interesting! Do tell. :)
o-kay....lol um..kinda, not really. lol
the scene is kinda hard to explain.
guess u just gotta read it...
when im done. of course. lol

Griselda Parrales said:
hmmm since you refuse to tell me the deats of your story lol lets see im guess those two amy and james go through some sort of issue person blank does something to amy to try to seperate them two and when reunited with her love well you get where i getting at right or she did some wrong doing and is trying to make it up or some sort of lifechanging moment cause her to run to her love arms idk something like that maybe ;)

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