Comments needed :) - Authors.com2024-03-29T07:28:16Zhttp://www.authors.com/forum/topics/comments-needed?groupUrl=poetry&commentId=3798404%3AComment%3A84420&xg_source=msg_com_gr_forum&feed=yes&xn_auth=noThanks so much :) Birgitta A…tag:www.authors.com,2012-12-01:3798404:Comment:1599222012-12-01T13:41:08.386ZPritha Chattopadhyayhttp://www.authors.com/profile/PrithaChattopadhyay
<p>Thanks so much :)<br></br> <br></br> <cite>Birgitta Abimbola Heikka said:</cite></p>
<blockquote cite="http://www.authors.com/forum/topics/comments-needed?groupUrl=poetry&commentId=3798404%3AComment%3A160144&xg_source=msg_com_gr_forum#3798404Comment160144"><div><div class="xg_user_generated"><p>Hi Pritha, it's been a while when I reviewed this poem. I read it over again this time and I guess perception changes with time. Don't know what I was thinking then but the last line flows with the…</p>
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<p>Thanks so much :)<br/> <br/> <cite>Birgitta Abimbola Heikka said:</cite></p>
<blockquote cite="http://www.authors.com/forum/topics/comments-needed?groupUrl=poetry&commentId=3798404%3AComment%3A160144&xg_source=msg_com_gr_forum#3798404Comment160144"><div><div class="xg_user_generated"><p>Hi Pritha, it's been a while when I reviewed this poem. I read it over again this time and I guess perception changes with time. Don't know what I was thinking then but the last line flows with the rest of the poem. It's a good poem and I enjoyed it better--reading it this second time around. Good luck.</p>
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</blockquote> Hi Pritha, it's been a while…tag:www.authors.com,2012-11-30:3798404:Comment:1601442012-11-30T17:23:00.878ZBirgitta Abimbola Heikkahttp://www.authors.com/profile/BirgittaAbimbolaHeikka
<p>Hi Pritha, it's been a while when I reviewed this poem. I read it over again this time and I guess perception changes with time. Don't know what I was thinking then but the last line flows with the rest of the poem. It's a good poem and I enjoyed it better--reading it this second time around. Good luck.</p>
<p>Hi Pritha, it's been a while when I reviewed this poem. I read it over again this time and I guess perception changes with time. Don't know what I was thinking then but the last line flows with the rest of the poem. It's a good poem and I enjoyed it better--reading it this second time around. Good luck.</p> Thanks a lot for your valuabl…tag:www.authors.com,2012-11-29:3798404:Comment:1600642012-11-29T15:26:35.552ZPritha Chattopadhyayhttp://www.authors.com/profile/PrithaChattopadhyay
<p>Thanks a lot for your valuable comments Birgitta...</p>
<p>I would like you to elaborate more on the last line...how could it have sounded better do you think?</p>
<p><br></br> <br></br> <cite>Birgitta Abimbola Heikka said:</cite></p>
<blockquote cite="http://www.authors.com/forum/topics/comments-needed?groupUrl=poetry&commentId=3798404%3AComment%3A127279&xg_source=msg_com_gr_forum#3798404Comment127279"><div><div class="xg_user_generated"><p>Nice poem. Seems like you are mourning a lost…</p>
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<p>Thanks a lot for your valuable comments Birgitta...</p>
<p>I would like you to elaborate more on the last line...how could it have sounded better do you think?</p>
<p><br/> <br/> <cite>Birgitta Abimbola Heikka said:</cite></p>
<blockquote cite="http://www.authors.com/forum/topics/comments-needed?groupUrl=poetry&commentId=3798404%3AComment%3A127279&xg_source=msg_com_gr_forum#3798404Comment127279"><div><div class="xg_user_generated"><p>Nice poem. Seems like you are mourning a lost love. I enjoyed reading it. Some history pulls one back; it's like an endless struggle (perhaps it's designed that way because someone wishes us to be lost forever). I liked the first line (quite catchy). However, I did not like the last line very much; that is, the words before "the line has been drawn."</p>
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</blockquote> Nice poem. Seems like you ar…tag:www.authors.com,2012-02-16:3798404:Comment:1272792012-02-16T18:15:47.196ZBirgitta Abimbola Heikkahttp://www.authors.com/profile/BirgittaAbimbolaHeikka
<p>Nice poem. Seems like you are mourning a lost love. I enjoyed reading it. Some history pulls one back; it's like an endless struggle (perhaps it's designed that way because someone wishes us to be lost forever). I liked the first line (quite catchy). However, I did not like the last line very much; that is, the words before "the line has been drawn."</p>
<p>Nice poem. Seems like you are mourning a lost love. I enjoyed reading it. Some history pulls one back; it's like an endless struggle (perhaps it's designed that way because someone wishes us to be lost forever). I liked the first line (quite catchy). However, I did not like the last line very much; that is, the words before "the line has been drawn."</p> Thank you so much Jonathon!…tag:www.authors.com,2012-02-14:3798404:Comment:1271682012-02-14T08:22:45.330ZPritha Chattopadhyayhttp://www.authors.com/profile/PrithaChattopadhyay
<p>Thank you so much Jonathon!<br></br> <br></br> <cite>Jonathon Koerner said:</cite></p>
<blockquote cite="http://www.authors.com/forum/topics/comments-needed?groupUrl=poetry&commentId=3798404%3AComment%3A115052&xg_source=msg_com_gr_forum#3798404Comment115052"><div><div class="xg_user_generated"><p>Wow, really like this, last part defiantly hits home strong. I think poems that are emotional and people can relate to are some of the best. Look forward to reading…</p>
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<p>Thank you so much Jonathon!<br/> <br/> <cite>Jonathon Koerner said:</cite></p>
<blockquote cite="http://www.authors.com/forum/topics/comments-needed?groupUrl=poetry&commentId=3798404%3AComment%3A115052&xg_source=msg_com_gr_forum#3798404Comment115052"><div><div class="xg_user_generated"><p>Wow, really like this, last part defiantly hits home strong. I think poems that are emotional and people can relate to are some of the best. Look forward to reading more.</p>
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</blockquote> Wow, really like this, last p…tag:www.authors.com,2011-12-21:3798404:Comment:1150522011-12-21T14:00:04.388ZJonathon Koernerhttp://www.authors.com/profile/JonathonKoerner
<p>Wow, really like this, last part defiantly hits home strong. I think poems that are emotional and people can relate to are some of the best. Look forward to reading more.</p>
<p>Wow, really like this, last part defiantly hits home strong. I think poems that are emotional and people can relate to are some of the best. Look forward to reading more.</p> Thank u lots :)
Michael C Bl…tag:www.authors.com,2011-10-10:3798404:Comment:980632011-10-10T10:06:05.718ZPritha Chattopadhyayhttp://www.authors.com/profile/PrithaChattopadhyay
Thank u lots :)<br></br>
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<cite>Michael C Bliss said:</cite><br />
<blockquote cite="http://www.authors.com/forum/topics/comments-needed?groupUrl=poetry&commentId=3798404%3AComment%3A95593&xg_source=msg_com_gr_forum#3798404Comment95593"><div><div class="xg_user_generated">love the metaphor of time from the point of view of drowning inside the hourglass. The second stanza was very powerful to me...the balance of expectations vs. Reality and the price we pay in between. Thank you for a…</div>
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Thank u lots :)<br/>
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<cite>Michael C Bliss said:</cite><br />
<blockquote cite="http://www.authors.com/forum/topics/comments-needed?groupUrl=poetry&commentId=3798404%3AComment%3A95593&xg_source=msg_com_gr_forum#3798404Comment95593"><div><div class="xg_user_generated">love the metaphor of time from the point of view of drowning inside the hourglass. The second stanza was very powerful to me...the balance of expectations vs. Reality and the price we pay in between. Thank you for a glimpse.</div>
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</blockquote> love the metaphor of time fro…tag:www.authors.com,2011-10-01:3798404:Comment:955932011-10-01T16:45:56.771ZMichael C Blisshttp://www.authors.com/profile/MichaelCBliss
love the metaphor of time from the point of view of drowning inside the hourglass. The second stanza was very powerful to me...the balance of expectations vs. Reality and the price we pay in between. Thank you for a glimpse.
love the metaphor of time from the point of view of drowning inside the hourglass. The second stanza was very powerful to me...the balance of expectations vs. Reality and the price we pay in between. Thank you for a glimpse.
There is so much power in t…tag:www.authors.com,2011-08-26:3798404:Comment:861562011-08-26T04:46:11.130ZRobert L. Allenhttp://www.authors.com/profile/RobertAllen
<p> </p>
<p>There is so much power in that sentence (<i>I stand a lonely self, a tired me...myself with me.) A tired me empacks the sentence so deeply...I wonder if you said I stand, a lonely self, a tired me...myself , me. (And perhaps don't use a period.) It allows the sentence to flow into the next...Again great poem, a lot of feeling...</i></p>
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<div><div><i>The need was mine, to be with you, to stand up for you;</i></div>
<div><i>Now, the need's over, and it's only me without…</i></div>
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<p>There is so much power in that sentence (<i>I stand a lonely self, a tired me...myself with me.) A tired me empacks the sentence so deeply...I wonder if you said I stand, a lonely self, a tired me...myself , me. (And perhaps don't use a period.) It allows the sentence to flow into the next...Again great poem, a lot of feeling...</i></p>
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<div><div><i>The need was mine, to be with you, to stand up for you;</i></div>
<div><i>Now, the need's over, and it's only me without you.</i></div>
<div><i>Your love's gone, a love that was never meant to be,</i></div>
<div><i>I stand a lonely self, a tired me...myself with me.</i></div>
<div><i>My heart still aches inside, every moment my love re-born</i></div>
<div><i>But I am a no one, reminds he, the line has been drawn.</i></div>
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<br/><cite>Pritha Chattopadhyay said:</cite>
<blockquote><div><p>Thanks a lot Robert :)</p>
<p>Yeah true, "Love is gone" adds more power...will change that part :) </p>
<p>The next one...well, I had actually wanted to stress my loneliness when I said 'Myslef with me'...it was sort of intended to show the absence of anyone else between me and myself...in that case, what would you suggest?</p>
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<p>Thanks again for all your valuable suggestions :)<br/><br/><cite>Robert L. Allen said:</cite></p>
<blockquote><div>Great poem. I would suggest to read it out loud, the flow is up and down. A lot of feeling...Last segment, third line, I would write out the words, Your love is gone, gives it more power. Next sentence down I would take out (with me). Again great poem...</div>
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<p></p> Thanks a lot Robert :)
Yeah t…tag:www.authors.com,2011-08-24:3798404:Comment:853432011-08-24T09:27:14.874ZPritha Chattopadhyayhttp://www.authors.com/profile/PrithaChattopadhyay
<p>Thanks a lot Robert :)</p>
<p>Yeah true, "Love is gone" adds more power...will change that part :) </p>
<p>The next one...well, I had actually wanted to stress my loneliness when I said 'Myslef with me'...it was sort of intended to show the absence of anyone else between me and myself...in that case, what would you suggest?</p>
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<p>Thanks again for all your valuable suggestions :)<br></br> <br></br> <cite>Robert L. Allen said:…</cite></p>
<p>Thanks a lot Robert :)</p>
<p>Yeah true, "Love is gone" adds more power...will change that part :) </p>
<p>The next one...well, I had actually wanted to stress my loneliness when I said 'Myslef with me'...it was sort of intended to show the absence of anyone else between me and myself...in that case, what would you suggest?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Thanks again for all your valuable suggestions :)<br/> <br/>
<cite>Robert L. Allen said:</cite></p>
<blockquote cite="http://www.authors.com/forum/topics/comments-needed?groupUrl=poetry&commentId=3798404%3AComment%3A84420&xg_source=msg_com_gr_forum#3798404Comment84420"><div>Great poem. I would suggest to read it out loud, the flow is up and down. A lot of feeling...Last segment, third line, I would write out the words, Your love is gone, gives it more power. Next sentence down I would take out (with me). Again great poem...</div>
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