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It has Been a loooong while since i have set a discussion hasnt it? 

 I blame the fact i am in the last year of high school. 

therefore Stress and un nesscary madness grows rampant 

lol Well... Ive thought to myself frequently .

 as always upon a daily basis..

I had peeked through my journal..To find a script of pure insane thought i must have written during a phase of tender mind..

haha, I wish to share with you all. ;) 

the passage had made me grow to thinking of a question to ask of you and myself.

since i am now in a more stable state of mind then that of when i wrote it. 

haha. lol

here it is.....

       " Good Evening And good day...

I find myself quietly investigating the disturbed corners of the sanctuary known as my mind..

It seems to loose grasps of my emotions it has..

All is fuzzy..

A unnatural blur far beyond what i loved and recongnize..

Life has become a dreaded Dream..

All leading to extinction.

and yet I grow quite fond of the idea...

Fascinating it is...

It seems to be.

The realization of death nearing closer day by day..

Ah... The relief the end shall be...

It has Been Destined to be.

The end, So Fabulously near....

                                             How Charming.    "

 

So.... That is what ive written..and as i said i found myself thinking..

Have you all found yourself within a moment like this? in which your thoughts , your actions are far from you? in which they take control ? When all is a blur and you bearly comprehend yourself? when your deepest thoughts surface, and slaps your sense aside? I will ask . and i will ask Myself now...

Who am We? Deep down, who are we really?


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Thought provoking, yet again Betty. (good luck with the last year at school by the way)

 

Who are we? Well we are defined by our actions - so there is a starting point. We are what we do. Also our actions of today are the product of our thoughts and desires of yesterday, so if we want to change, to be more of who we think we want to be, we must chnge the way we think, the way we percieve the world ... and we must be a little patient with ourselves.

 

Life is a journey with a destination ahead, but is it just a change of road? I think so, but no one really knows for sure. One thing that struck me at school (a few - ahem- years ago) when we kept talking about what to do to stay healthy and all the don't that we needed to know (such a negative place that my inner thoughts rebelled to say the least) was that every breath we take was bringing us one closer to death, did that mean we should stop breathing so we could live forever?

In complete and utter honestly, yes. I've been in one moment like this before where my deepest darkest thoughts pushed reality aside and my actions took over before I could think, but no one knows what I did during that dark moment, and it's not the funnest thing to think about either...let's just say I hope it never happens again.

 

To answer your question...who am I? Well that's a question I myself have yet to find an answer to.

Am I the literary writer I aspire to be?
Am I the vintage-loving, classical girl I so admire?

Am I the Japanese-loving, almost bilingual hardcore Vocaloid fan who can't wait to cosplay as Rin in April?

Am I the sweet girlfriend in the perfect relationship everyone loves?

Am I the scared little girl who breaks down and cries on the off chance her thoughts do take over, because she's scared of what she'll find out?

 

I wish I could say I'm all of those things, but I don't see how they can mix with each other. My life has always been full of contradictions, and I'm trying to get rid of them, but I just can't.

The classic in me would never dream of seeing something as horrendous as a virtual hologram singing and dancing in short-shorts. The anime-freak would never be interested in something as 'boring' as an opera. The scared little girl would be to nervous to ever be part of the her highschools cutest couple, and the perfect girlfriend would never be so selfish as to worry about herself this much.

 

The writer...well she's just sitting in the background taking notes looking for ways to tell each story in an interesting detailed way ;)

 

So as much as I wonder, I don't know who I am, and I'm scared to have to find out, but I know one day I won't have a choice, but for now, I'm the classical, anime-obsessed, sweet, scared, confident, fun, french/japanese/english speaking writer, and until my overactive mind gets it all sorted out, I like being that girl :)

I like your way of putting it. We are all complicated, at the end of the day and I know I go through life avoiding labels whenever possible, they are too restrictive.

 

Just be ...  oh and have fun too!

 



Callie Leah said:

In complete and utter honestly, yes. I've been in one moment like this before where my deepest darkest thoughts pushed reality aside and my actions took over before I could think, but no one knows what I did during that dark moment, and it's not the funnest thing to think about either...let's just say I hope it never happens again.

 

To answer your question...who am I? Well that's a question I myself have yet to find an answer to.

Am I the literary writer I aspire to be?
Am I the vintage-loving, classical girl I so admire?

Am I the Japanese-loving, almost bilingual hardcore Vocaloid fan who can't wait to cosplay as Rin in April?

Am I the sweet girlfriend in the perfect relationship everyone loves?

Am I the scared little girl who breaks down and cries on the off chance her thoughts do take over, because she's scared of what she'll find out?

 

I wish I could say I'm all of those things, but I don't see how they can mix with each other. My life has always been full of contradictions, and I'm trying to get rid of them, but I just can't.

The classic in me would never dream of seeing something as horrendous as a virtual hologram singing and dancing in short-shorts. The anime-freak would never be interested in something as 'boring' as an opera. The scared little girl would be to nervous to ever be part of the her highschools cutest couple, and the perfect girlfriend would never be so selfish as to worry about herself this much.

 

The writer...well she's just sitting in the background taking notes looking for ways to tell each story in an interesting detailed way ;)

 

So as much as I wonder, I don't know who I am, and I'm scared to have to find out, but I know one day I won't have a choice, but for now, I'm the classical, anime-obsessed, sweet, scared, confident, fun, french/japanese/english speaking writer, and until my overactive mind gets it all sorted out, I like being that girl :)

My biggest question has always been, what is the meaning of life? Your born, you grow older every day, you come into the world all wrinkley, toothless, bald, when you reach old age you die wrinkley, toothless, and bald. What the hell?
"You basically go out the same way you came in."
Guess you could say we're the original recycle!
I findthat absoultely precious, id probably do that to my child as well. ;) i undersatnd you completely, the soul seems to shift personalities of the being. ive recognized that fact long ago., and im glad im not the only one who notices how the mind can do such things. thanks for sharing the story of your daughter. truly adorable. lol  ha thanks man, i just like to see ppls thoughts upon my way of mind. who as a writer doesnt like to think? 

Mariah de la Croix said:

Hi Betty,

In answer to your question of "Who are We? Deep down, who are we really?", we are many layers of self - many layers - and many folks don't often explore those layers or really take the time to get to know their deeper selves.  I, too, look back on journal entries and sometimes wonder what part of me wrote that.  Then, I sit back and try to reacquaint myself with that side of me.

 

When my daughter was little I would say good-night to her in various different voices, most of which had their own accents and definite unique attitudes.  She would giggle like crazy which, oftentimes, made her not fall to sleep for awhile.  When she was about 7 or 8 she asked if I had names for all my voices.  That question made me think, because, in essence, they were all me, but different facets of me.  They now all have names, distinct personas, and I've begun using them as characters in a fiction mystery novel that I'm working on - they have to have an outlet, after all.

 

Thank you for sharing your thoughts and energies with us here.  I, for one, greatly appreciate reading your various voices and layers.  You make this ol' gal think.  Good job.

thanks for the response man. ;) last line is great. lol ive thought of such things before...once again brought myself to a fragile sense of mind,  hahaha and sure ill believe u went to school a few years back. lol

Sean Noonan said:

Thought provoking, yet again Betty. (good luck with the last year at school by the way)

 

Who are we? Well we are defined by our actions - so there is a starting point. We are what we do. Also our actions of today are the product of our thoughts and desires of yesterday, so if we want to change, to be more of who we think we want to be, we must chnge the way we think, the way we percieve the world ... and we must be a little patient with ourselves.

 

Life is a journey with a destination ahead, but is it just a change of road? I think so, but no one really knows for sure. One thing that struck me at school (a few - ahem- years ago) when we kept talking about what to do to stay healthy and all the don't that we needed to know (such a negative place that my inner thoughts rebelled to say the least) was that every breath we take was bringing us one closer to death, did that mean we should stop breathing so we could live forever?

the phases of our personalities create who we are. you make yourself callie. in all its who you tend to be the most. thanks for writing and continue as you are. dark moments occurs often. well to me i guess. bi=ut try not to let it traumatize you. it can be a good thing... haha rin . great choice. lol 

Callie Leah said:

In complete and utter honestly, yes. I've been in one moment like this before where my deepest darkest thoughts pushed reality aside and my actions took over before I could think, but no one knows what I did during that dark moment, and it's not the funnest thing to think about either...let's just say I hope it never happens again.

 

To answer your question...who am I? Well that's a question I myself have yet to find an answer to.

Am I the literary writer I aspire to be?
Am I the vintage-loving, classical girl I so admire?

Am I the Japanese-loving, almost bilingual hardcore Vocaloid fan who can't wait to cosplay as Rin in April?

Am I the sweet girlfriend in the perfect relationship everyone loves?

Am I the scared little girl who breaks down and cries on the off chance her thoughts do take over, because she's scared of what she'll find out?

 

I wish I could say I'm all of those things, but I don't see how they can mix with each other. My life has always been full of contradictions, and I'm trying to get rid of them, but I just can't.

The classic in me would never dream of seeing something as horrendous as a virtual hologram singing and dancing in short-shorts. The anime-freak would never be interested in something as 'boring' as an opera. The scared little girl would be to nervous to ever be part of the her highschools cutest couple, and the perfect girlfriend would never be so selfish as to worry about herself this much.

 

The writer...well she's just sitting in the background taking notes looking for ways to tell each story in an interesting detailed way ;)

 

So as much as I wonder, I don't know who I am, and I'm scared to have to find out, but I know one day I won't have a choice, but for now, I'm the classical, anime-obsessed, sweet, scared, confident, fun, french/japanese/english speaking writer, and until my overactive mind gets it all sorted out, I like being that girl :)

hahahahahaha man i just love you lol your great. lol its a freaky thought aint it? how can god create such a cruel cycle of life. makes you wonder if theres another after our demise. no one will know the meaning of life til they had actually gone through, and not just that, but CONQUERED it. ;) 

Garry Edward Lewis said:
My biggest question has always been, what is the meaning of life? Your born, you grow older every day, you come into the world all wrinkley, toothless, bald, when you reach old age you die wrinkley, toothless, and bald. What the hell?
I plan on it! :D

Sean Noonan said:

I like your way of putting it. We are all complicated, at the end of the day and I know I go through life avoiding labels whenever possible, they are too restrictive.

 

Just be ...  oh and have fun too!

 



Callie Leah said:

In complete and utter honestly, yes. I've been in one moment like this before where my deepest darkest thoughts pushed reality aside and my actions took over before I could think, but no one knows what I did during that dark moment, and it's not the funnest thing to think about either...let's just say I hope it never happens again.

 

To answer your question...who am I? Well that's a question I myself have yet to find an answer to.

Am I the literary writer I aspire to be?
Am I the vintage-loving, classical girl I so admire?

Am I the Japanese-loving, almost bilingual hardcore Vocaloid fan who can't wait to cosplay as Rin in April?

Am I the sweet girlfriend in the perfect relationship everyone loves?

Am I the scared little girl who breaks down and cries on the off chance her thoughts do take over, because she's scared of what she'll find out?

 

I wish I could say I'm all of those things, but I don't see how they can mix with each other. My life has always been full of contradictions, and I'm trying to get rid of them, but I just can't.

The classic in me would never dream of seeing something as horrendous as a virtual hologram singing and dancing in short-shorts. The anime-freak would never be interested in something as 'boring' as an opera. The scared little girl would be to nervous to ever be part of the her highschools cutest couple, and the perfect girlfriend would never be so selfish as to worry about herself this much.

 

The writer...well she's just sitting in the background taking notes looking for ways to tell each story in an interesting detailed way ;)

 

So as much as I wonder, I don't know who I am, and I'm scared to have to find out, but I know one day I won't have a choice, but for now, I'm the classical, anime-obsessed, sweet, scared, confident, fun, french/japanese/english speaking writer, and until my overactive mind gets it all sorted out, I like being that girl :)

Thanks, and you too! 
Oh, and since you actually know who she is...that just makes you ten times more awesome! Just sayin! :)

Betty Damil said:
the phases of our personalities create who we are. you make yourself callie. in all its who you tend to be the most. thanks for writing and continue as you are. dark moments occurs often. well to me i guess. bi=ut try not to let it traumatize you. it can be a good thing... haha rin . great choice. lol 

Callie Leah said:

In complete and utter honestly, yes. I've been in one moment like this before where my deepest darkest thoughts pushed reality aside and my actions took over before I could think, but no one knows what I did during that dark moment, and it's not the funnest thing to think about either...let's just say I hope it never happens again.

 

To answer your question...who am I? Well that's a question I myself have yet to find an answer to.

Am I the literary writer I aspire to be?
Am I the vintage-loving, classical girl I so admire?

Am I the Japanese-loving, almost bilingual hardcore Vocaloid fan who can't wait to cosplay as Rin in April?

Am I the sweet girlfriend in the perfect relationship everyone loves?

Am I the scared little girl who breaks down and cries on the off chance her thoughts do take over, because she's scared of what she'll find out?

 

I wish I could say I'm all of those things, but I don't see how they can mix with each other. My life has always been full of contradictions, and I'm trying to get rid of them, but I just can't.

The classic in me would never dream of seeing something as horrendous as a virtual hologram singing and dancing in short-shorts. The anime-freak would never be interested in something as 'boring' as an opera. The scared little girl would be to nervous to ever be part of the her highschools cutest couple, and the perfect girlfriend would never be so selfish as to worry about herself this much.

 

The writer...well she's just sitting in the background taking notes looking for ways to tell each story in an interesting detailed way ;)

 

So as much as I wonder, I don't know who I am, and I'm scared to have to find out, but I know one day I won't have a choice, but for now, I'm the classical, anime-obsessed, sweet, scared, confident, fun, french/japanese/english speaking writer, and until my overactive mind gets it all sorted out, I like being that girl :)

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